8/24

My Mother passed away around this date about 3 years ago. If I must say so myself, I represented her well at her memorial services. She would have been proud of me. My task now is to preserve her legacy by having a headstone pit on her grave. I will better be able to handle that on the financial level when I get the settlement in a short while, actually I'm expecting to hear  from the lawyer any day soon. It's poetic justice that the settlement comes as a result of an accident she was involved in that eventually cost her her life.

8/25

Dark and sleek was RD, a really sweet, young chocolate thing that completely took me by surprise. From the first, she knew what she wanted, why, and for how long. This sexy Capricorn controlled our relationship from day 1. We were intensely romantic for that whole summer of our affair. Affair because she was engaged to be married soon and I was apparently her last tango in Paris. She was true to her word and once the summer ended, so did our relationship.

8/26

LW  was so young and so sweet but there was no way for us to have anything. She was an open-minded Taurus who just was testing the waters of romance. She had me mesmerized and I thought she saw me as a way of doing the right thing for her Mother, who was one of my tenants. It went well, but not long. We never advanced to the romantic level, but I ran into her a few years later and she had recently became a mew Mom.

MUST be NICE...

Got an email from writer Alexis Wilson about writing a review of her book "Not So Black and White." Book been out about a year. Now I'm wondering what brought on this request. Course I'm full of wild ideas. Anyway people been reviewing it since last year--she has at least 55 reviews.  But I guess that isn't enough. I'm sure more people than that has brought the book. I read some of the reviews and most of them are positive. Funny thing about Alexis; I was attracted to her from a distance; we have a nice rapport. Or, had a nice one at the event and on or emails. Found out she's born in October 1965 --six months after Nerisse. She's either a Libra or Scorpio, both good match-ups for me. Guess what else? She's very sexy; she's also married to a prominent jazz musician here in Ohio with (2) daughters. In my dreams only!

what on earth WAS I thinkin

7/19

Hell yeh, I feel betrayed in many ways and means. Yet I've grown out of it, or I would like to think I have. The true test for me would be if she came back into my life with an apology and an admission of guilt and wrongdoing. How would I react to that? Would I believe that she wouldn't revert to her old ways of thinking and everything would be as fine as it was before? I don't think so. I love hard but I would have to pass on the possibility that she might pass some STD to me. I don't know if I would ever trust it. I've come too far now, with too many past incidents like that that could have been my last.

7/20

Some things are better left unsaid. There's a lot on my mind, on the tip of my tongue, that is poised and waiting to be said. Out of respect for myself I will leave these things as they are, unsaid. Course it all comes down to  how deeply disturbed I am by the injustices that were done to me and how much do I crave revenge.

7/21

I've done about all I can do. There is nothing else left to say. For now I have moved on with the business at hand part of my life and have realized my life ambition of late of being a teacher. I teach poetry to thousands of students throughout the world, which is even bigger than I ever imagined.Now, as for the social aspect of my life, a lot of the pieces are in place. In the near future when I  will  be in a position, a better position to express that side, I will move full speed ahead.

life is STRANGE

7/11 -Lois had a baby some 35 years ago today. Made me a real man it seems for the first time in my life. Hard to explain that feeling except to say WOW! Now in a few months, if God spares my life  like I been praying every day all my life, I may

become a Grand-PA, or is it Grand-DAD. I like Grand-Pa, has a special tone all it's own. Just the same I been blessed. I know my sis had her grand baby before she passed, and my other sis has more than a few, and my mother and father, themselves had very much more than a few, and now here I come, the last of the brood trying to come in , with my first. Life is strange, and people out here trying to act like they know something about it. Really?


7/12 - Have to keep myself from thinking ill things about people, thinking how they gon get theirs one day, wanting to be a witness, wanting them to have to come reeling back to me. That's my mother in me. I really just hope they go on in their life without incident. Just leave me the hell alone. I just wanna live me a quality life and get all the good I can from it because of the good I've done. Yet sometime I get so caught-up I just wanna take matters in my own hand. Ooooh! You don't know. I just pray on it and try to keep myself positive. I do not wish anybody ill will.

flat out in love

     You nothing but a dick teaser. I keep forgetting you not a pleasure seeker. You just want someone to want you. Desire you. You flashed your ass and tits to me on a daily but was always coming up with reasons why I couldn't get none even when we was naked in the bed together. I keep forgetting you afraid of some one really laying the hammer down on you like I would cause you know you would fall flat in love with me. You afraid to be loved and in love with a real man.

what is the 4th of JULY

7/4/13

   Half the people celebrating 4th of July don't even know the 5 W's. Most are oblivious to the facts. It's all about carnivals ,cookouts and fireworks. And I'm sure that's okay in it's own right BUT at some point and time shouldn't the question arise as to what does this all refer to? I'm just saying though. Because a lot of us live our lives like cows going to the slaughter; we just following the person in front of us without realizing where we going until...

what do we really know?

I can't be mad at nobody why my life is what it is. I was born when I was to serve a purpose in the scheme of life.

What is it all about this thing we in? I wish I knew but I guess that's what makes it sweet. We don't really know why anything. We think we do. We kid ourselves into believing other people's concepts which are born out of pure fear and doubt.

What is it that we really know? Think about that for a moment and you will realize how little we actually do know.

CAN'T YOU TELL? I'M A VIRGO!

Star-gazers forecasting and predicting my astrological chart told me many years ago that my 12th House Moon revealed that WOMEN would be the cause of my self-undoing. I didn't understand that analysis for just as many years ago when it was first read, but now I know:

The key WOMEN in my life although being beneficial to my well-being, at crucial times in my life, when I needed them to step up to the plate, they FUCKED UP and left me hanging out to dry.

SCENES FROM LOWER MANHATTAN

THE AFRICAN BURIAL GROUNDS

fatherhood

There  is great joy in being a father. I love my children dearly, more than anything, even though they get on my last nerves, at times and make me want to take my talents elsewhere, where I won't have to keep talking to them and repeating myself over and over again. I wish they would get it the first time around and save me my voice for something else.

But I wouldn't trade them for all the tea in China, or all the gold in Fort Knox, although I would have to think about the gold a little longer, just in case I could.

LONG LIVE THE KING...

6/25/13

The King of Pop lead a pretty sad life to me. It was very unlike a king at all. One thing it showed me was that the stigma of self-hatred truly exists among a vast majority of Black people. As a result of the evils of slavery Black people, unknown to many of them/us have suffered tremendously in their lives.

SCENES FROM DOWNTOWN BROOKLYN

 THE OLD DIME SAVINGS BANK

feet don't fail me now

6/24/13

Take the money and run as far away as you can. Don't look back. Don't even care if they ever see you again. Just go live a life away from those people who you once knew or at least thought you knew anyway. Now that you look back on it you really didn't. Now I wonder WHAT IF? What if you had just let her get taken by the boogie man? You would never have known how things turned out. It probably would have been different anyway. You the only one that shit like that happen to.

maternal instinct

6/23/13


P.D.D. has always been a fighter. From day one she has had an instinct to defend herself from the elements. She has been a true member of the family. True because family is her first love. Family fills her with such emotion it makes her cry. I sometimes forget that she has come from a mighty long way; that she has endured a lifetime of hardships that have made her a warrior.

what might have been

6/22/13


At times I wonder what it would have been like if our relationship had of survived the ups and downs that happened. I'm happy but could I be any happier than I am now? But at the same time that I'm this happy, I'm also this sad because I'm still in love with her. I still feel, I still know she loves me too.

LOOKING BACK

6/21/13


 Lafayette Avenue has a lot of fond memories. Linda Jones comes to mind. I loved her smile but mostly her big butt caught my attention. Even at the tender age of twelve I couldn't help but notice it. She wasn't a bad looking girl and her dad owned a dry cleaner store. Curley's Cleaners.

A PARK IN BROWNSVILLE

ALL I want to do RIGHT NOW IS...

...TO PLAN MY WORK, AND WORK MY PLAN, WHICH IS TO SELF-PUBLISH A POETRY CHAPBOOK BY YEAR'S END. IDEALLY I WOULD LIKE TO GET IT DONE BY MY 65TH BIRTHDAY WHICH IS IN SEPTEMBER. WOW! WHERE HAVE THE YEARS GONE?

I know, I've been here for most of them.

BESIDES THE CHAPBOOK I PLAN A WRITER'S RETREAT AND TO VISIT A FEW HISTORIC PLACES AROUND OHIO.

I PLAN TO TAKE MY NICHE (POETRY) UP TO THE NEXT LEVEL. I SEE A BYLINE IN MY FUTURE!

in order to GROW AS A PERSON, I must LET GO OF...

...all my thoughts of getting some type of revenge on my X. Not that I'm a malicious, vengeful person, but I want her to pay for the pain and suffering that she has caused our family.

"Vengeance is mine saith the Lord," but I be sometimes praying that it will be sooner and not later, and that I would have the pleasure of having her grovel. 

But those things are not in my control and so I must stop harboring these thoughts and let fate take its course naturally!

Write a letter to your pain (PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL)

DEAR HEART

TAKE COMFORT IN KNOWING THAT THE CYCLE OF LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING WILL SOON SWING BACK IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION TO YOU. YOU HAVE ENDURED OH THESE MANY YEARS THUS FAR. BUT JUST AS SURE AS IT WAS IN PAST YEARS WHEN YOUR JOY CAME IN THE MORNING AND SUDDENLY ENDED, KNOW THAT THIS CYCLE WILL REPEAT ITSELF AND YOU WILL HAVE LOVE AGAIN.

UNDERSTAND THIS: AS IT WAS AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN, THIS TOO SHALL PASS.