my very first blood pressure issue - The BEGINNING

7/6/13 - SATURDAY

     Ominous clouds dominated the sky this afternoon. They were huge forms of light and dark fluffs of cotton-balls, looking 3D, hovering over Main Street like giant alien space crafts from "Independence Day," 15 miles wide. At one point there, it appeared like a huge being was controlling the vehicle. It looked at me like the world was about to end.

7/7- SUNDAY

           A mental fog has taken over my mind today, some time this afternoon, I don't know exactly when. I woke up from an afternoon nap some place foreign to me. My equilibrium was slightly off. My steps wobbly. I was able to go about my normal duties, but not all there. I was alert and aware of everything around me but my mind operated out of a fog that kept me reeling and seemingly off balance.

7/8-MONDAY

     I woke up this morning still possessed. Not as wobbly as the day before, but enough to keep me off my norm. Physically there are no issues. There are no pains and aches. I have a fever blister on my bottom lip, actually just beneath my left lip, but not unusual from any ones that I've had before in my life. I've felt the stinging pain of it's emergence for a few days now, but not nothing unusual, except this fog in my mind that has kept me operating in a veil of uncertainty.


7/9- TUESDAY

     Still possessed, but to a lesser degree, maybe, I don't know yet. Had a real outburst today like I never, ever had in my life. Left me crying like a baby, exhausted like a mother fucker, but still mad.

7/10- WEDNESDAY

     Never felt this way in my life before. Coming off of a few days (since Sunday) of extreme light-headedness like I've never experienced before. Couldn't really tell what it all stems from, scared to speculate. Just know that in time, got to get my butt to the Dr.'s office and find out what's making me tick. Been feeling pretty good over the past few years, for the most part, through trying to eat right and exercise. Must find out more though, that way I can monitor some of those things old people (like me) suppose to deal with.

flat out in love

     You nothing but a dick teaser. I keep forgetting you not a pleasure seeker. You just want someone to want you. Desire you. You flashed your ass and tits to me on a daily but was always coming up with reasons why I couldn't get none even when we was naked in the bed together. I keep forgetting you afraid of some one really laying the hammer down on you like I would cause you know you would fall flat in love with me. You afraid to be loved and in love with a real man.

what is the 4th of JULY

7/4/13

   Half the people celebrating 4th of July don't even know the 5 W's. Most are oblivious to the facts. It's all about carnivals ,cookouts and fireworks. And I'm sure that's okay in it's own right BUT at some point and time shouldn't the question arise as to what does this all refer to? I'm just saying though. Because a lot of us live our lives like cows going to the slaughter; we just following the person in front of us without realizing where we going until...

no justice, NO PEACE

     You would think by now after all these years there would be justice for a Black man in America. The Zimmerman trial proves that a Black man can't seem to be treated right even when he's innocent. It's pretty clear obviously that Zimmerman stalked, provoked, and eventually murdered Trayvon Martin. And sure Zimmerman is entitled to a fair trial, but come on now, if the situation was reversed, you know a Blackman would've been tried and convicted by now.

STICKIN TOGETHER

Worse feeling I've had in a while. Done everything I could to hold everything down. People you put your trust in betray you but WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?

This world is really about YOU doing YOU. Unlike back in the early days nobody sticks up for you, Everybody too busy.

I hate myself right now, having fallen short of being the best I could. What other people in your life does, fucks up what you tryna do. That's fucked up when two "COMMITTED" people not on the same wave length.



7/2/13

what do we really know?

I can't be mad at nobody why my life is what it is. I was born when I was to serve a purpose in the scheme of life.

What is it all about this thing we in? I wish I knew but I guess that's what makes it sweet. We don't really know why anything. We think we do. We kid ourselves into believing other people's concepts which are born out of pure fear and doubt.

What is it that we really know? Think about that for a moment and you will realize how little we actually do know.

the inevitable will inevitably happen

When I move on to the next level or anybody for that matter, you don't know what that's all about. My thoughts are that you make the best of your time now. This is all that's truly real, if this is real, whatever that means.

It is what it is and that is we experience this time here on earth, in this form once and only once. Make the most of it. Live it out. That's what I been doing and will continue.