8/24

My Mother passed away around this date about 3 years ago. If I must say so myself, I represented her well at her memorial services. She would have been proud of me. My task now is to preserve her legacy by having a headstone pit on her grave. I will better be able to handle that on the financial level when I get the settlement in a short while, actually I'm expecting to hear  from the lawyer any day soon. It's poetic justice that the settlement comes as a result of an accident she was involved in that eventually cost her her life.

8/25

Dark and sleek was RD, a really sweet, young chocolate thing that completely took me by surprise. From the first, she knew what she wanted, why, and for how long. This sexy Capricorn controlled our relationship from day 1. We were intensely romantic for that whole summer of our affair. Affair because she was engaged to be married soon and I was apparently her last tango in Paris. She was true to her word and once the summer ended, so did our relationship.

8/26

LW  was so young and so sweet but there was no way for us to have anything. She was an open-minded Taurus who just was testing the waters of romance. She had me mesmerized and I thought she saw me as a way of doing the right thing for her Mother, who was one of my tenants. It went well, but not long. We never advanced to the romantic level, but I ran into her a few years later and she had recently became a mew Mom.

8/21

     About a week behind in my Summer Writing Binge. Don't know what got me off track because I was good for making an entry every night. Now I'm behind but I intend to get back on track. Been thinking a lot lately about the women, and even girls from my past. I really can't complain because true to my horoscope, which a lot of people don't believe in, women have a special affinity towards me and I for them. It has always been that way.

8/22

Light skin and fine as hell was T.B., the Gemini. She just wanted to do something different in her life. I think it broke the mundaneness of her existence in the projects. She was a welfare mom so she relied on me to supply her with some additional income. We were romantic, but only to the extent that she knew I wanted her like that. To her it was just a way to get what she needed.

8/23

M.A.R. aka Toni aka Her Majesty the Queen was another of those light skin and fine women in my life. When I first met her in the copy room at 250 Broadway, I was blown away. I never thought in my wildest dreams we had anything in common. She was a sweet and gentle Taurus. Too sweet and generous perhaps, because when I discovered her she had just had a baby, her 3rd, several months before. We were romantic because she  needed love. At the same time she was also on the rebound from a man who no longer loved her. T was the finest woman, in my mind, at 250 Broadway, true arm candy and I wore her well.

8/16

Woke up this morning and decided that it was over. I didn't go through my regular routine of taking those blood pressure pills. I didn't plan to stop today because I still have 11 pills to go, it just happened like that. I had to let go and let God, as they say. I just couldn't see myself going any further with that deal. I will not be depending on medication. So I just stopped. I know what to do, it's just scary thinking about how close I was to having my life drastically and even tragically changed forever.

8/17

Scary feeling wondering what was gonna happen. Nothing did yet, except I'm starting to feel more like my ex-hypertension attack. The grogginess is still there  although not as severe as it was back in July. I can manage this level of grogginess. I just want to get back to my real self, that self that experienced a clear head at all times. I feel better already and I look forward to the day when I can get back on the road and run. But not yet I'm still to out of it at times. Too, too groggy__

8/18

So far so good. My pressure is not so bad. If I change my diet and monitor my pressure every day I should be able to do it. I'm giving it my best shot. There is too much left in this world to do. I especially want to meet my grand-baby-on-the-way and witness her growth.

8/19

Getting back to my old self one day at a time. I should be back on the road soon. My scripture daily reading, prayer and meditation will pull me through this.
     I'm about to be the silent one in a while. Yeah, I miss certain things but I love my independence better.I am finally that Alpha Wolf dancing to my own beat. I could never go back now. But since they say never say never let's just say I'm A-ok.

8/20
     Made sure I registered early for A. Wilson's workshop on memoir writing. I just want to see the lady again and see how I feel now. I was impressed in June but now this encounter will be up close from a different angle. I will have to do my homework because ain't no telling where this thing will go if I play my cards right. No I'm not talking like that but I would not refuse an invitation. It would have to be a very special exclusive invitation. Meanwhile I'm excited because it keeps me busy writing.

7/26

      I'm obviously angry. Angry about a lot of things but not as many things as it seems. People must take my kindness for weakness. I'm their scapegoat, their doormat, whatever. Why am I treated this way? I've only tried to do good by those close to me but I guess it's not appreciated. But guess what? That's all about to change. Tomorrow I will be a different guy. No more Mr. Nice Guy?  I'm not gonna change who I am because I will always be me. But now I'm stopping the buck before the buck stops me.

7/28

     Of course it's me but I seem to be on edge lately. Everything almost starts to agitate me. Not that I'm rambling and ranting as my children seem to think, but getting certain things off my chest, as I like to think. I don't want unsaid things to be the source of stress. So whereas in the past I might deal with it internally, now I'm gettin it out of my system. I don't know if its good or bad I just feel like letting my feelings be known. I'm just tired whatever it is I'm tired of. Or maybe its as my daughter said I'm going thru mid-life crisis. Maybe she has a point. I will have to look into that fact.

7/30

     Crossroads time at my website BPC. Time to come up with a good chronological history segment that will last for a while and prove to be interactive with my visitors and send them flipping pages madly. By tomorrow or before the 3lst I will come up with something. I'm still figuring how to level my blood pressure so I'm feeling healthy again. I know for one I bout to change my diet, not drastically, but moderately just like they, the medicine givers are trying to change my B/P to a moderate reading.

7/31

     Not sure where a lot of my day went doing chores around the house mingling with the girls gonna finish that poem about you know who haven't felt this good as I do right now for a minute almost like I'm back to my  normal self but what could that mean I don't know for sure because my b/p has been sky high for so long how would I know anyway but I had the lowest reading ever lately and thats scary because if thats the medicine will I be able to do as well without it I wonder.

OMG!

7/23

     Without me, you haven't been able to keep your life straight. You are a selfish, obnoxious, uncaring person. You just can't seem to keep it together. Wasn't it that way in the beginning too? I brought the most stability you ever had in your life. The most success you ever had, the most prosperity you ever had. But you want to give it all up for whatever. But you have a right to. Everybody has a right to live their life like they want to. But don't you see the difference that I make in your life? Don't you know the Most High has a hand in things when you request them from Him? Then know that your life will never be the same without me.



7/24
 
     Funny how I'm downsizing as I retire. Driving a car in particular has been a thing that I have not enjoyed for a while. I hate living with the thought of having other people's lives in my hand, so to speak. I worry more about other people's recklessness more than my own. I've never had a car accident. I'm really a safe driver. I had trained myself to drive defensively. But today with so many people not paying attention to what they are doing (driving), I've bowed out at the perfect time.

7/25

I'm bout to write an excellent book review. This will be the supreme effort, as I always give. Alexis could use the exposure. But I could more. I'm the one that's up and coming. She has quite a career going on, I'm just arriving on the scene now. I will research her research and do a little something for ezine.com. I'm thinking bout doing an interview with the author as an added attraction to my review. I would love to do a personal live session, but the way my mind is clicking an email, ot better, a phone interview would be best.

MUST be NICE...

Got an email from writer Alexis Wilson about writing a review of her book "Not So Black and White." Book been out about a year. Now I'm wondering what brought on this request. Course I'm full of wild ideas. Anyway people been reviewing it since last year--she has at least 55 reviews.  But I guess that isn't enough. I'm sure more people than that has brought the book. I read some of the reviews and most of them are positive. Funny thing about Alexis; I was attracted to her from a distance; we have a nice rapport. Or, had a nice one at the event and on or emails. Found out she's born in October 1965 --six months after Nerisse. She's either a Libra or Scorpio, both good match-ups for me. Guess what else? She's very sexy; she's also married to a prominent jazz musician here in Ohio with (2) daughters. In my dreams only!

what on earth WAS I thinkin

7/19

Hell yeh, I feel betrayed in many ways and means. Yet I've grown out of it, or I would like to think I have. The true test for me would be if she came back into my life with an apology and an admission of guilt and wrongdoing. How would I react to that? Would I believe that she wouldn't revert to her old ways of thinking and everything would be as fine as it was before? I don't think so. I love hard but I would have to pass on the possibility that she might pass some STD to me. I don't know if I would ever trust it. I've come too far now, with too many past incidents like that that could have been my last.

7/20

Some things are better left unsaid. There's a lot on my mind, on the tip of my tongue, that is poised and waiting to be said. Out of respect for myself I will leave these things as they are, unsaid. Course it all comes down to  how deeply disturbed I am by the injustices that were done to me and how much do I crave revenge.

7/21

I've done about all I can do. There is nothing else left to say. For now I have moved on with the business at hand part of my life and have realized my life ambition of late of being a teacher. I teach poetry to thousands of students throughout the world, which is even bigger than I ever imagined.Now, as for the social aspect of my life, a lot of the pieces are in place. In the near future when I  will  be in a position, a better position to express that side, I will move full speed ahead.