7/26
I'm obviously angry. Angry about a lot of things but not as many things as it seems. People must take my kindness for weakness. I'm their scapegoat, their doormat, whatever. Why am I treated this way? I've only tried to do good by those close to me but I guess it's not appreciated. But guess what? That's all about to change. Tomorrow I will be a different guy. No more Mr. Nice Guy? I'm not gonna change who I am because I will always be me. But now I'm stopping the buck before the buck stops me.
7/28
Of course it's me but I seem to be on edge lately. Everything almost starts to agitate me. Not that I'm rambling and ranting as my children seem to think, but getting certain things off my chest, as I like to think. I don't want unsaid things to be the source of stress. So whereas in the past I might deal with it internally, now I'm gettin it out of my system. I don't know if its good or bad I just feel like letting my feelings be known. I'm just tired whatever it is I'm tired of. Or maybe its as my daughter said I'm going thru mid-life crisis. Maybe she has a point. I will have to look into that fact.
7/30
Crossroads time at my website BPC. Time to come up with a good chronological history segment that will last for a while and prove to be interactive with my visitors and send them flipping pages madly. By tomorrow or before the 3lst I will come up with something. I'm still figuring how to level my blood pressure so I'm feeling healthy again. I know for one I bout to change my diet, not drastically, but moderately just like they, the medicine givers are trying to change my B/P to a moderate reading.
7/31
Not sure where a lot of my day went doing chores around the house mingling with the girls gonna finish that poem about you know who haven't felt this good as I do right now for a minute almost like I'm back to my normal self but what could that mean I don't know for sure because my b/p has been sky high for so long how would I know anyway but I had the lowest reading ever lately and thats scary because if thats the medicine will I be able to do as well without it I wonder.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Thursday, February 25, 2016
OMG!
7/23
Without me, you haven't been able to keep your life straight. You are a selfish, obnoxious, uncaring person. You just can't seem to keep it together. Wasn't it that way in the beginning too? I brought the most stability you ever had in your life. The most success you ever had, the most prosperity you ever had. But you want to give it all up for whatever. But you have a right to. Everybody has a right to live their life like they want to. But don't you see the difference that I make in your life? Don't you know the Most High has a hand in things when you request them from Him? Then know that your life will never be the same without me.
7/24
Funny how I'm downsizing as I retire. Driving a car in particular has been a thing that I have not enjoyed for a while. I hate living with the thought of having other people's lives in my hand, so to speak. I worry more about other people's recklessness more than my own. I've never had a car accident. I'm really a safe driver. I had trained myself to drive defensively. But today with so many people not paying attention to what they are doing (driving), I've bowed out at the perfect time.
7/25
I'm bout to write an excellent book review. This will be the supreme effort, as I always give. Alexis could use the exposure. But I could more. I'm the one that's up and coming. She has quite a career going on, I'm just arriving on the scene now. I will research her research and do a little something for ezine.com. I'm thinking bout doing an interview with the author as an added attraction to my review. I would love to do a personal live session, but the way my mind is clicking an email, ot better, a phone interview would be best.
Without me, you haven't been able to keep your life straight. You are a selfish, obnoxious, uncaring person. You just can't seem to keep it together. Wasn't it that way in the beginning too? I brought the most stability you ever had in your life. The most success you ever had, the most prosperity you ever had. But you want to give it all up for whatever. But you have a right to. Everybody has a right to live their life like they want to. But don't you see the difference that I make in your life? Don't you know the Most High has a hand in things when you request them from Him? Then know that your life will never be the same without me.
7/24
Funny how I'm downsizing as I retire. Driving a car in particular has been a thing that I have not enjoyed for a while. I hate living with the thought of having other people's lives in my hand, so to speak. I worry more about other people's recklessness more than my own. I've never had a car accident. I'm really a safe driver. I had trained myself to drive defensively. But today with so many people not paying attention to what they are doing (driving), I've bowed out at the perfect time.
7/25
I'm bout to write an excellent book review. This will be the supreme effort, as I always give. Alexis could use the exposure. But I could more. I'm the one that's up and coming. She has quite a career going on, I'm just arriving on the scene now. I will research her research and do a little something for ezine.com. I'm thinking bout doing an interview with the author as an added attraction to my review. I would love to do a personal live session, but the way my mind is clicking an email, ot better, a phone interview would be best.
Monday, February 22, 2016
MUST be NICE...
Got an email from writer Alexis Wilson about writing a review of her book "Not So Black and White." Book been out about a year. Now I'm wondering what brought on this request. Course I'm full of wild ideas. Anyway people been reviewing it since last year--she has at least 55 reviews. But I guess that isn't enough. I'm sure more people than that has brought the book. I read some of the reviews and most of them are positive. Funny thing about Alexis; I was attracted to her from a distance; we have a nice rapport. Or, had a nice one at the event and on or emails. Found out she's born in October 1965 --six months after Nerisse. She's either a Libra or Scorpio, both good match-ups for me. Guess what else? She's very sexy; she's also married to a prominent jazz musician here in Ohio with (2) daughters. In my dreams only!
Saturday, February 13, 2016
what on earth WAS I thinkin
7/19
Hell yeh, I feel betrayed in many ways and means. Yet I've grown out of it, or I would like to think I have. The true test for me would be if she came back into my life with an apology and an admission of guilt and wrongdoing. How would I react to that? Would I believe that she wouldn't revert to her old ways of thinking and everything would be as fine as it was before? I don't think so. I love hard but I would have to pass on the possibility that she might pass some STD to me. I don't know if I would ever trust it. I've come too far now, with too many past incidents like that that could have been my last.
7/20
Some things are better left unsaid. There's a lot on my mind, on the tip of my tongue, that is poised and waiting to be said. Out of respect for myself I will leave these things as they are, unsaid. Course it all comes down to how deeply disturbed I am by the injustices that were done to me and how much do I crave revenge.
7/21
I've done about all I can do. There is nothing else left to say. For now I have moved on with the business at hand part of my life and have realized my life ambition of late of being a teacher. I teach poetry to thousands of students throughout the world, which is even bigger than I ever imagined.Now, as for the social aspect of my life, a lot of the pieces are in place. In the near future when I will be in a position, a better position to express that side, I will move full speed ahead.
Hell yeh, I feel betrayed in many ways and means. Yet I've grown out of it, or I would like to think I have. The true test for me would be if she came back into my life with an apology and an admission of guilt and wrongdoing. How would I react to that? Would I believe that she wouldn't revert to her old ways of thinking and everything would be as fine as it was before? I don't think so. I love hard but I would have to pass on the possibility that she might pass some STD to me. I don't know if I would ever trust it. I've come too far now, with too many past incidents like that that could have been my last.
7/20
Some things are better left unsaid. There's a lot on my mind, on the tip of my tongue, that is poised and waiting to be said. Out of respect for myself I will leave these things as they are, unsaid. Course it all comes down to how deeply disturbed I am by the injustices that were done to me and how much do I crave revenge.
7/21
I've done about all I can do. There is nothing else left to say. For now I have moved on with the business at hand part of my life and have realized my life ambition of late of being a teacher. I teach poetry to thousands of students throughout the world, which is even bigger than I ever imagined.Now, as for the social aspect of my life, a lot of the pieces are in place. In the near future when I will be in a position, a better position to express that side, I will move full speed ahead.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
plugged in to the world
7/16
Biggest fear is being vulnerable. Out there with no power. No way to get anything without being plugged in. We so use to our creature comforts we don't even, can't even imagine how they survived without these things in the past. How Mama and Papa had to heat the house with wood in a stove to warm the house and cook the food, to heat the water to wash up or to go outside to the "outhouse" to do our business.
7/17
Thought eludes me as to what my writing time was to be devoted to tonight but never the lest for that unrecollection, if there is such a word, I take time instead to be thankful for my life, health and strength. I saw on TV so many things that inspired me: Sports and news broadcaster, Robin Roberts, the father-son team who ran over thirty marathons, father pushing his handicapped son across the finish line. Jim Valvano, former basketball coach, a cancer fighter. I'm inspired by their lives and blessed for mine.
7/18
Just thoughts about Mandela. Today he turns 95 years old. Truly a blessing to live that lone. I should live so long but I would hope to be in good health and just pass on outta here without medical issues or back bills to pay.
Mandela in my mind is a true rebel. Living under South African Apartheid was like Black peole living in American democracy. Nobody had no human rights. Mandela spent most of his adult life in prison; from the 50's until they finally released him in the 90's , when at that time he was in the autumn of his years. When you talk about warriors & rebels, you gotta mention Mandela's name.
Biggest fear is being vulnerable. Out there with no power. No way to get anything without being plugged in. We so use to our creature comforts we don't even, can't even imagine how they survived without these things in the past. How Mama and Papa had to heat the house with wood in a stove to warm the house and cook the food, to heat the water to wash up or to go outside to the "outhouse" to do our business.
7/17
Thought eludes me as to what my writing time was to be devoted to tonight but never the lest for that unrecollection, if there is such a word, I take time instead to be thankful for my life, health and strength. I saw on TV so many things that inspired me: Sports and news broadcaster, Robin Roberts, the father-son team who ran over thirty marathons, father pushing his handicapped son across the finish line. Jim Valvano, former basketball coach, a cancer fighter. I'm inspired by their lives and blessed for mine.
7/18
Just thoughts about Mandela. Today he turns 95 years old. Truly a blessing to live that lone. I should live so long but I would hope to be in good health and just pass on outta here without medical issues or back bills to pay.
Mandela in my mind is a true rebel. Living under South African Apartheid was like Black peole living in American democracy. Nobody had no human rights. Mandela spent most of his adult life in prison; from the 50's until they finally released him in the 90's , when at that time he was in the autumn of his years. When you talk about warriors & rebels, you gotta mention Mandela's name.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
same STATE of mine
7/13
Its funny how the more things change they more they stay the same. People really believe that in a country that has always held our people, Black people in such low esteem since we first got here by hook and by crook and against our will that we could get justice. Remember that never in the history of this country has a White man ever been convicted of killing a Blackman and you will start to believe the real truth that this country will always have the same attitude no matter if it's not the same original people that discovered and put it all together under the belief in their mind that all men were created equal.
7/14
Please be keenly aware that the fear of a Black planet is a real issue in this world today that many people are dead set against even though there is nothing they can do. The fact that not only the U.S. but the entire world of "White" people, those that are left, that is basically mixed people increases the likely-hood the White man is slowly becoming extinct.
Its funny how the more things change they more they stay the same. People really believe that in a country that has always held our people, Black people in such low esteem since we first got here by hook and by crook and against our will that we could get justice. Remember that never in the history of this country has a White man ever been convicted of killing a Blackman and you will start to believe the real truth that this country will always have the same attitude no matter if it's not the same original people that discovered and put it all together under the belief in their mind that all men were created equal.
7/14
Please be keenly aware that the fear of a Black planet is a real issue in this world today that many people are dead set against even though there is nothing they can do. The fact that not only the U.S. but the entire world of "White" people, those that are left, that is basically mixed people increases the likely-hood the White man is slowly becoming extinct.
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