BACKSTABBBERS - THE O'JAYS

2/1 - Saturday 12:11 am


First time long time since I spoke to my ex this evening. We had a small family crisis that needed to be resolved or else it could have been blown out of proportion. Although I was nipping it in the bud it was good to hear from her because I got an angle of the incident which I didn't have before. Her commentary resolved the issue for me. It was like I thought but I couldn't prove my point without an eye witness. She was that. Basically we talked on that incident and my beef incident from the other day.

8:04 pm

First day of "Black History Month." It means different things to different people and it has a very special place in my heart.

Been around for a long while going back to when it was a week long. I go some special plan to honor our shining Black Kings and Queens by writing a poem a day for the month of February. I just got the idea and impulse earlier today and I will see where it goes. Hopefully some good stuff will come out of it.

THE COLDEST DAY OF MY LIFE - The Stylistics

1/30 - Thursday 4:32 pm

I don't want beef with my baby girl. She grown now and bout to be on her own. She has to understand that I'm here for her; just follow my lead. I'm not tryna keep her tied to my apron strings...Yeh I got those, but she has to know when it's time to stop the foolishness.

What I mean is to let her peeps make the move in her direction. SHE'S THE PRIZE. That nigga not! SHE IS! When she realize who she really is, she will carry herself differently.

For now she got to learn on her own, and the way life goes, she has a lot of lessons to learn, and a long way to go before she catches on.

I WAKE UP CRYING - Roy Hamilton

1/28 - Tuesday 7:22 am

Looking forward to the wedding in May. Just trying to figure out how I'm gonna put that week together. Think I might get into town a couple of days before the event so things won't be such a rush. The closer the time approaches, the more settled my plans will be.

Thinking about following up hug on that hug from L.S. that was so real a few months ago, but things not always what they seem to you. As usual I will play it by ear.

On the tail end of the wedding though, I think I'll spend that weekend in the city and head back to Ohio by that next Sunday or Monday, depending on what's happening.

THANK YOU - Brook Benton

1/24 - Friday  9:55am

     When I watch my TV shows and movies and stuff, it's not without a purpose. It's all about research for my writing skills. I learn a ton about setting up scenes, developing character and story lines in my novels and short stories that are in the works.

     I absolutely enjoy this aspect of research because it doesn't matter the genre of the show I'm watching. It all is about helping to improve my writing abilities.

     There will come a time in the next month or so when I will have to knuckle down and get that 2nd draft of "Y2K" written out, TV  or not!


1/25 - Saturday 11:40 pm

     The poetry is starting to flow very smoothly. I'm working on getting my stuff down, my collections that is, of which there are at least 3 by now.  This flow is a direct result of my poetry workshops on Wednesdays, and at any time the muse hits. Then I pick up my scratch pad or workbook and scribble down my latest thoughts.

     By the end of the year I hope to have a more definite idea of what I'm working with and how to proceed forward.

     There's an awful lot going on in my head right now. This week I will get more on the ball with the next step in my 2nd draft of Y2K.


1/26- Sunday 8:15 am

     Looking to put in some serious time and effort this week in getting the Y2K 2nd draft off and running.

     The month of January has been very slow and lethargic. I will impose some serious strategic changes in my life-style to help out: Make up the futon into a sofa; Use the dining room table as a new writing spot.

       These moves will take me away from the comforts of laying down when the mood hits me, no matter what I'm in the middle of doing. This may not even be the problem behind the lethargy I've felt on many a day.  It could be the heat, because it has been cold outside.

     Whatever the case, instead of getting things done this month, I felt that I spent far too much time relaxing.

I'LL TAKE YOU THERE - The Staple Singers

1/23 -Thursday 10:57 PM

     For a few days now I be having these old school tunes in my head every day, especially in the morning. What triggers them is hard to say but from now on I will put them down in writing, as, and if, I remember them...

...I can't help but think about some of the ladies in my life that have really been terrific to me. I realize now that this affinity for women has been a very sharp two-edged sword. But I have been content to take all the bad that came along with it because I can see where my recent trend of being without will soon change.

1/16 - Thursday - 7:20 am

Trying to get my whole thing together, I went online to apply for health insurance. At first it went smoothly, but after a while I got stuck on completion of the application process. What I succeeded in doing was starting an account with healthcaresource.com. A start at least. Next time maybe I will get to the next level.

Also, due to some stuff I don't even know how, I had to change my password to my jahluv email account to gain access to it after the password was changed or something, I don't even know. It all started when I innocently tried to update my credit card info with micro-soft for my monthly payment for their office premium on the girl's laptop. Online business is tricky.


1/17 - Friday 7:20 am

     Maybe I should be a bigger man, but I detest being around my ex-wife. As a result, I am reluctant about attending events in which my children are involved. I'm just through, I don't want anything to do with her. I'm yucked out already.

My cousin/big sister Shirley Alberta Radcliffe Brown Jones, Whew! has a birth date today. If I'm not wrong she just hit the big 70. I wish her many more.

I may have just found a new writing spot. No, not on my laptop or phone, or Nook, but in my house, at my dining room table. I like it. A few things got to happen first: Namely, I must have my house to myself...


1/19- Sunday 9:04 pm

2014 is shaping up to be an exciting year. I got peeps getting married, graduating from high school, and reigniting relationships. I'm very excited.

I had a few writing classes scheduled, but I think I'll stay put here in Ohio until May.

1/21 - Tuesday 7:25 am

     My poetry flow is working. I got things lined up to revise verses from my various collections. So far I've got two of them on my writing spot, and I'm working on the third. Once they all are in front of me I can revise at will and get a look at what I'm really saying.

It's an exciting time for me and all my writing projects. I just look forward to setting my ducks up in a row and knocking them over.

The start of the year in terms of burning the midnight oil has been slow, but activity will soon pick up.

MONDAY 7:17 AM

1/13

Been kinda slow getting busy with the production of Y2K. I was able to get the entire manuscript on paper which I find better to move on to the next draft phase, than  the electronic copies on my laptop's "my writing spot," or even my flash drives. Now I can move forward. I just need to read the entire manuscript written at two different times, one in 2009 when I originally sat down to write it, and again in 2012 when I decided to finish it. Altogether, however, it's only about 40K words, and from what I can see so far two different stories have emerged. My challenge is to turn it into one novel. That is the direction I'm headed in now: Looking at what I've written and putting it all together in one cohesive story. I will sort through the pages and "cut & paste" my words together to make the whole thing complete/a whole story. From that point on and even in between, I will develop character,plot, and the entire story structure.

ADDENDUM

...Took a walk over to Fed-Ex to have my manuscript printed up off a flash-drive. I have never had a greater feeling than watching those pages printed out. It validated me, yours truly as a writer. Not that I ever doubted my credentials or noting like that, but oh what a feeling to hold those printed pages in my hand.


1/14 - Tuesday 7:49 am

Yeh, if you know already, yesterday's "journal write" was not timed. After I caught on, I ended without knowing how long I rambled. But it was probably necessary.

I really have to get on track with Y2K and stay there until it's done, whatever that means right now. I'm not halfway or close to finishing up with reading the manuscript. So far what I recognize is the story, thus far, is a haphazard effort.  The drafts that followed Y2K were more cohesive, and would probably be a better start, but I still gotta whip it into shape. There is no better time than now. And knowing me, as I do, I  need to start from the beginning and proceed methodically to the end in a more or less straight line.

1/15- Wednesday 7:26 am

The narrative flow and direction of Y2K from the initial writing in 2009 to the restart or addition in 2012 is dramatically different. The growth in my writing is evident. The task now before me is to direct those two distinctly different stories into one. What to do, would be to  follow the draft I completed in 2012 using the format of the Book-In-A-Month process. It's my only hope of developing one story out of the two.

In 2009 I wrote from notes accumulated since the early 80s, and maybe even further back. In 2012 I incorporated some of those elements into my first draft and wrote the story down with new characters.

A BRAND NEW YEAR- WINTER

SPECIAL NOTE:



The titles you see are songs that randomly popped into my head on that particular day for whatever reason. Sometimes I know, sometimes I don't!




1/10- Friday - 7:30 pm

Had a painful night. My back and shoulder, my bunion and my teeth were all coming at me the same time. Out of nowhere these pains came and afflicted me . Eventually I had to take a pain killer. Today is only a little better but I hope they will soon all stop. I already know I'ma  need some help. And on top of that it's pouring rain so my allergy is kicking in too. So all I need now to complete the cycle would be a sky high blood pressure. I'm not tryna will it on but I'm just saying...

If you wasn't here last week you would not be able to tell by the weather outside that snow and ice was all over the place and we froze our asses off.

1/ll - Saturday 7:40 pm

Surprise visit. My sister, my niece, and two of  my grand nieces stopped by my huse on a surprise visit. Really? A great moment in time. My grand niece, SHAKIRA was on her way to an internship at a college in Findlay, Ohio, a few, or should I say a couple  away from Whitehall.

I remember holding SHAKIRA together as she recited her poem at the memorial services for DEL. Needless to say, I enjoyed their brief visit. I love those relatives of mine. At the same time, after they left I got a letter in the mail to verify the inscription on the headstone for DEL'S final resting place.


1/12 - Sunday 7:17 am

I can't think of anything I've done to earn my ex-wife's disdain. I say ex even though we are not yet divorced. According to my children's reactions at times, it seems she has no type of "love" for me.

Yeah I told her she needed to keep her mouth closed one time. Yeah I told her I would protect my babies at all cost, even from her if I had to, but other than that I ain't done a thing.

There are some things I could do to throw a monkey-wrench in the operation, but I don't because I want my babies to be happy as they can be.

So I'll just "eat it" as they say. One day the shit will hit the fan then we will see which way everybody gonna run.

9/18

I used to have a real thing for A.S. back awhile ago when I was still working at BH Houses. She was the bitch of my dreams back then. Fine and beautiful, about eleven years younger than I, but you know me, age ain never been but a number to me. We never got off on a romantic track but I sent her cards expressing my feelings for her on every occasion I could, especially romantic holidays.

She called me out of the blue one day, around 1988 or something like that, to find out what was up with me, but at the time I was all wrapped up in something. We made a date to see each other, but I didn't bother to show up. I had BL in my life then, and there was no need to even start something I couldn't finish.

9/19

919 has some bitter-sweet memories for me. I  lived at 919 Lincoln Place once upon a time after I first got married. I was attending the New York Institute of Photography at the time and I remember setting up a darkroom in the extra bed room we had.

It was a sweet memory developing my own rolls of film and seeing my pictures come to life. I felt so professional.

But then my wife never came home until early in the morning, and didn't ever give me those much anticipated newlywed goods. She was too busy giving them to another man.


9/20

It's been a good run for this Summer Writing Binge concept I came up with for my blog, "Let's Talk Poetry."  I made an entry almost every day except for these last few days of the  month, when I ran out of time to get to my notebooks. Actually, I scheduled my entries for about 10:30 pm, but by the time the hour rolled around I was often too sleepy to write anything coherent.

In the next binge segment I will make entries earlier in the day when my head is fresher and clearer. This could be the start of something.

9/21

This is the last day and night of the summer of 2013, and the last entry for my summer poetry writing binge. Most of the entries are free-writings for five minute intervals. I will cull through these entries and make a poem out of each one where a poem is found.

As a whole, my students on "Let's Talk Poetry," as well as myself, wrote whatever came to our minds at the time. Now I will query my students and challenge them to come up with poetry from those entries, and I will do the same, because I never give my students an assignment I don't complete myself.

I will continue these free-write activities for the winter of 2015.

9/15

My prayers are that everything in my life will continue as it has been. What will be, will be, but I would love for everything to just fall in line like they spoze to.

Sill waiting for some word bout the settlement check. I've signed and had some papers notarized. I'm up to here with the formalities of legality. I just wanna get the money my mother's responsible for and do the right thing.

9/16

My nephew, Tekoa turns 38 today. My baby sister's oldest child has been without her for a couple of years now. Bunch died right after my mother, just leaving us all in shock. And he, being slightly mentally delayed, we don't understand how much he understood, except that he knows she won't be there any more. Sad, as close as they were. If he could express himself more, verbally, he probably could tell us things we never knew.

9/17

Made a lot of improvements or decorations in my home, but I still have a ways to go yet. The major purchases have all been made for the most part, except for a dining room set. I plan to make that purchase around the Thanksgiving holiday time. The little nik-niks that go with it will come afterwards.

Then, in the kitchen I want a new microwave and pots and pans and rugs for every room needs to be replaced. By the year's end, this house will have my touch throughout.

9/4

The High Holy Days are here. This year I pray and fast as usual. Each year I get a clearer understanding of how the Most High operates in our lives. It's personal, but not as personal as some folks, a lot of folks, think. If you notice, there is ORDER in this universe. If you notice, of all the knowledge we have attained, there is still ONE thing we cannot comprehend, or know for sure, and that is how life works and why it works; we only know that it works. Like electricity, we use the power but cannot really say or understand how the source of that power is generated.


9/5

Been routinely getting in my prayers and meditations, as well as my yoga asanas. Long time since they all been consistent.

Thought about CG the other day. Thinking how we got to be an item at that time. I was really attracted to her. She was the most mature out of all the girls I met that summer. It never occurred to me that any actions toward her would have been "statutory rape."

9/6

With my 63rd b-day on the horizon, I'm looking to do something unique. If this was back in the day, it would be no question.

I got new lamps already, a tv and dvd player, and some wall art. Would love to have/get some new linen for my futon. Speaking of which, I switched my bedroom up like back when I was at 270, with the futon giving me an unlimited amount of space to live and work in. I'm much more relaxed now.

9/7

A shopping spree is definitely the way to go. So far, for my b-day, which is Monday, the 9th, I have some events planned out.

First thing, I'm getting my coffee table and another futon cover, brown. I would love the end tables too, but I don't see a spot for them, but I keep looking. I wanna browse/shop at Wal-Mart's and Macy's. I need an outfit for Alexis' workshop on the 30th. The possibilities are unlimited.

9/8

A few hours from now I will tip the scales at 63 years of age. How blessed is that. I'm glad I feel fine. My body is in relatively good shape, and all my facilities are working.

As it stands now, for my b-day, I will browse the aisles at Target and see what jumps out at me.

9/9

Funny how I haven't felt any older since I can remember when. The steady invasion and conquering that my gray hairs are doing is my only clue. Yeah, every now and then I see it in my face. The lines are firmly establishing themselves. I'm an older person, but I feel good about the process, as well I should because nothing can turn back the clock.

I look forward to living a clean happy end of the rest of my life, a life filled with carefree living. Oh yeah, that's right, I'm doing me.

9/10

Not out the woods with hypertension, but I feel like I know what I should be doing. It won't catch me off guard any more. I monitor my sodium intake and my pressure on a daily. It feels good to know what's what.

I'm scared but I would love to love again. Of course it has to be the perfect situation. I really think I'm more interested in sexual and romantic feelings more than anything else, but haven't I always...Nothing has changed in that department.

I fantasize an old/young flame rekindling kind of something.

9/1

     Messed around all day and forgot to call Doll for her bday. Actually I did call but got a busy signal at the time. After I got into my routine I remembered but it was much too late. I should have called her at six this morning when I thought it was too early. See how things work out.
     Feeling much better lately so I hope the trend continues. When my bday roll along in a few days I wanna be well.

9/2

     Spent bout an hour and a half waiting for a bus that didn't show up. I understand it was a holiday (Labor Day) but come on man! You would have thought the bus only ran in one direction because at least (in that same time frame) three buses went by on the other side.
     I guess in the end I learned patience cause that bus still ain't showed up yet and I done everything I started out to do that day.

9/3

     I don't know if I said this somewhere else before, but I give up on B.L. I tried, I tried in every way I could to have a harmonious relationship, just for the sake of the kid's heads, really, but it didn't work. So fuckit! Que sera, sera. Life is too valuable to waste on pure bullshit, to short to be fuckin around with ignorant people. I wasted enough time already. If only I knew.
     Well all things in their time and guess what? I know now.

8/30

I'm not in the mood for love anymore. Not like before anyway. I just need a partner to share some special moments with, if you know what I mean. I just don't have the fortitude or the patience, or especially the time. I'm also just not in the mood for love anymore. Not like before anyway.

8/31

Turning over that new leaf I been turning over for years now. Now is the time. I have so much to look forward to: My first grand child; I just found out too, that my first born son is getting married next May. I hope by then I have some arm candy, but now that I think about it, even if that is the case, it wouldn't be a good idea to show them off. I'm not trying to make anybody uncomfortable. I just wanna do my thing and get my groove on for a while, cause I feel it in my bones that I still got plenty of those type days left in me.

8/27

C.G. was the very first of the PYTs of my adult life. Although we were only 6 years apart when I met her, she was only 15. I was amazed at her maturity. She was a Sagittarius who was well ahead of her time. We shared a lot of feelings but no romance. Years later when she became of age, we thought about it, but her care for other people's feelings would not allow her.

8/28

I spent a lot of time with Sweet T, the Lady Libra. She was 20 years my junior, but age was truly only a number. We shared many precious moments together, through ups and very downs, including her being homeless for a period of time. While I knew her she lived in at least 3 different places, which we christened them all. Although we were severely romantic, she already had 2 children, and at one time was pregnant with her third child. No, it was not mine.

8/29

From somewhere, I got a severe cold and cough. I been suffering for a few days now and it has affected my everything. My pressure is erratic, to say the least and I'm at a loss as to how to medicate myself; with hypertension you can't just take anything. Needless to say I'm suffering right now.

8/24

My Mother passed away around this date about 3 years ago. If I must say so myself, I represented her well at her memorial services. She would have been proud of me. My task now is to preserve her legacy by having a headstone pit on her grave. I will better be able to handle that on the financial level when I get the settlement in a short while, actually I'm expecting to hear  from the lawyer any day soon. It's poetic justice that the settlement comes as a result of an accident she was involved in that eventually cost her her life.

8/25

Dark and sleek was RD, a really sweet, young chocolate thing that completely took me by surprise. From the first, she knew what she wanted, why, and for how long. This sexy Capricorn controlled our relationship from day 1. We were intensely romantic for that whole summer of our affair. Affair because she was engaged to be married soon and I was apparently her last tango in Paris. She was true to her word and once the summer ended, so did our relationship.

8/26

LW  was so young and so sweet but there was no way for us to have anything. She was an open-minded Taurus who just was testing the waters of romance. She had me mesmerized and I thought she saw me as a way of doing the right thing for her Mother, who was one of my tenants. It went well, but not long. We never advanced to the romantic level, but I ran into her a few years later and she had recently became a mew Mom.

8/21

     About a week behind in my Summer Writing Binge. Don't know what got me off track because I was good for making an entry every night. Now I'm behind but I intend to get back on track. Been thinking a lot lately about the women, and even girls from my past. I really can't complain because true to my horoscope, which a lot of people don't believe in, women have a special affinity towards me and I for them. It has always been that way.

8/22

Light skin and fine as hell was T.B., the Gemini. She just wanted to do something different in her life. I think it broke the mundaneness of her existence in the projects. She was a welfare mom so she relied on me to supply her with some additional income. We were romantic, but only to the extent that she knew I wanted her like that. To her it was just a way to get what she needed.

8/23

M.A.R. aka Toni aka Her Majesty the Queen was another of those light skin and fine women in my life. When I first met her in the copy room at 250 Broadway, I was blown away. I never thought in my wildest dreams we had anything in common. She was a sweet and gentle Taurus. Too sweet and generous perhaps, because when I discovered her she had just had a baby, her 3rd, several months before. We were romantic because she  needed love. At the same time she was also on the rebound from a man who no longer loved her. T was the finest woman, in my mind, at 250 Broadway, true arm candy and I wore her well.

8/16

Woke up this morning and decided that it was over. I didn't go through my regular routine of taking those blood pressure pills. I didn't plan to stop today because I still have 11 pills to go, it just happened like that. I had to let go and let God, as they say. I just couldn't see myself going any further with that deal. I will not be depending on medication. So I just stopped. I know what to do, it's just scary thinking about how close I was to having my life drastically and even tragically changed forever.

8/17

Scary feeling wondering what was gonna happen. Nothing did yet, except I'm starting to feel more like my ex-hypertension attack. The grogginess is still there  although not as severe as it was back in July. I can manage this level of grogginess. I just want to get back to my real self, that self that experienced a clear head at all times. I feel better already and I look forward to the day when I can get back on the road and run. But not yet I'm still to out of it at times. Too, too groggy__

8/18

So far so good. My pressure is not so bad. If I change my diet and monitor my pressure every day I should be able to do it. I'm giving it my best shot. There is too much left in this world to do. I especially want to meet my grand-baby-on-the-way and witness her growth.

8/19

Getting back to my old self one day at a time. I should be back on the road soon. My scripture daily reading, prayer and meditation will pull me through this.
     I'm about to be the silent one in a while. Yeah, I miss certain things but I love my independence better.I am finally that Alpha Wolf dancing to my own beat. I could never go back now. But since they say never say never let's just say I'm A-ok.

8/20
     Made sure I registered early for A. Wilson's workshop on memoir writing. I just want to see the lady again and see how I feel now. I was impressed in June but now this encounter will be up close from a different angle. I will have to do my homework because ain't no telling where this thing will go if I play my cards right. No I'm not talking like that but I would not refuse an invitation. It would have to be a very special exclusive invitation. Meanwhile I'm excited because it keeps me busy writing.

7/26

      I'm obviously angry. Angry about a lot of things but not as many things as it seems. People must take my kindness for weakness. I'm their scapegoat, their doormat, whatever. Why am I treated this way? I've only tried to do good by those close to me but I guess it's not appreciated. But guess what? That's all about to change. Tomorrow I will be a different guy. No more Mr. Nice Guy?  I'm not gonna change who I am because I will always be me. But now I'm stopping the buck before the buck stops me.

7/28

     Of course it's me but I seem to be on edge lately. Everything almost starts to agitate me. Not that I'm rambling and ranting as my children seem to think, but getting certain things off my chest, as I like to think. I don't want unsaid things to be the source of stress. So whereas in the past I might deal with it internally, now I'm gettin it out of my system. I don't know if its good or bad I just feel like letting my feelings be known. I'm just tired whatever it is I'm tired of. Or maybe its as my daughter said I'm going thru mid-life crisis. Maybe she has a point. I will have to look into that fact.

7/30

     Crossroads time at my website BPC. Time to come up with a good chronological history segment that will last for a while and prove to be interactive with my visitors and send them flipping pages madly. By tomorrow or before the 3lst I will come up with something. I'm still figuring how to level my blood pressure so I'm feeling healthy again. I know for one I bout to change my diet, not drastically, but moderately just like they, the medicine givers are trying to change my B/P to a moderate reading.

7/31

     Not sure where a lot of my day went doing chores around the house mingling with the girls gonna finish that poem about you know who haven't felt this good as I do right now for a minute almost like I'm back to my  normal self but what could that mean I don't know for sure because my b/p has been sky high for so long how would I know anyway but I had the lowest reading ever lately and thats scary because if thats the medicine will I be able to do as well without it I wonder.

OMG!

7/23

     Without me, you haven't been able to keep your life straight. You are a selfish, obnoxious, uncaring person. You just can't seem to keep it together. Wasn't it that way in the beginning too? I brought the most stability you ever had in your life. The most success you ever had, the most prosperity you ever had. But you want to give it all up for whatever. But you have a right to. Everybody has a right to live their life like they want to. But don't you see the difference that I make in your life? Don't you know the Most High has a hand in things when you request them from Him? Then know that your life will never be the same without me.



7/24
 
     Funny how I'm downsizing as I retire. Driving a car in particular has been a thing that I have not enjoyed for a while. I hate living with the thought of having other people's lives in my hand, so to speak. I worry more about other people's recklessness more than my own. I've never had a car accident. I'm really a safe driver. I had trained myself to drive defensively. But today with so many people not paying attention to what they are doing (driving), I've bowed out at the perfect time.

7/25

I'm bout to write an excellent book review. This will be the supreme effort, as I always give. Alexis could use the exposure. But I could more. I'm the one that's up and coming. She has quite a career going on, I'm just arriving on the scene now. I will research her research and do a little something for ezine.com. I'm thinking bout doing an interview with the author as an added attraction to my review. I would love to do a personal live session, but the way my mind is clicking an email, ot better, a phone interview would be best.

MUST be NICE...

Got an email from writer Alexis Wilson about writing a review of her book "Not So Black and White." Book been out about a year. Now I'm wondering what brought on this request. Course I'm full of wild ideas. Anyway people been reviewing it since last year--she has at least 55 reviews.  But I guess that isn't enough. I'm sure more people than that has brought the book. I read some of the reviews and most of them are positive. Funny thing about Alexis; I was attracted to her from a distance; we have a nice rapport. Or, had a nice one at the event and on or emails. Found out she's born in October 1965 --six months after Nerisse. She's either a Libra or Scorpio, both good match-ups for me. Guess what else? She's very sexy; she's also married to a prominent jazz musician here in Ohio with (2) daughters. In my dreams only!