1/31- Friday 7:45 am
My blood pressure is up, but I can't say it's because I've had heated words lately. Not a big deal. The issue is settled for now, as in all things.
If certain people decide they want to stay in isolation, cool. I'm not looking for anything. I'm settled-in with what's on my plate, and so it won't make me a difference.
As it has always been with me, I take all comers who can handle what I bring to the table: We can be close, or we can be far. It won't change what I'm doing. Of course, if you bringing something extra special, then I will be there for you in every way that I can.
Monday, December 26, 2016
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
MOVIE DAY
Lonewolf's Movie Review - Movies I watched on cable - 2013
"ALL THINGS FALL APART" Dir: Mario Van Peebles
With 50 Cent, Angela Bassett, and the director. A very poignant movie about a football player, super-star potential, Heisman Trophy candidate who finds out he has cancer, and now he has to adjust to a different way of living. Good story-line.
"JOHN Q" (1999) Dir: Nick Cassavetes
Somewhat believable story about a man (Denzel Washington) who takes over a hospital/ER room, in order to get a heart transplant operation for his son.
Memorable line: "I'm not gonna bury my son. My son's gonna bury me."
High point in the movie: When all his efforts have failed, John Q comes to the conclusion that if no heart donor was available, he would kill himself and donate HIS heart for his son. That scene was the story's "Black Moment."
"ALL THINGS FALL APART" Dir: Mario Van Peebles
With 50 Cent, Angela Bassett, and the director. A very poignant movie about a football player, super-star potential, Heisman Trophy candidate who finds out he has cancer, and now he has to adjust to a different way of living. Good story-line.
"JOHN Q" (1999) Dir: Nick Cassavetes
Somewhat believable story about a man (Denzel Washington) who takes over a hospital/ER room, in order to get a heart transplant operation for his son.
Memorable line: "I'm not gonna bury my son. My son's gonna bury me."
High point in the movie: When all his efforts have failed, John Q comes to the conclusion that if no heart donor was available, he would kill himself and donate HIS heart for his son. That scene was the story's "Black Moment."
THE COLDEST DAY OF MY LIFE - The Stylistics
I don't want beef with my baby girl. She grown now and bout to be on her own. She has to understand that I'm here for her; just follow my lead. I'm not tryna keep her tied to my apron strings...Yeh I got those, but she has to know when it's time to stop the foolishness.
What I mean is to let her peeps make the move in her direction. SHE'S THE PRIZE. That nigga not! SHE IS! When she realize who she really is, she will carry herself differently.
For now she got to learn on her own, and the way life goes, she has a lot of lessons to learn, and a long way to go before she catches on.
Monday, December 12, 2016
I WAKE UP CRYING - Roy Hamilton
1/28 - Tuesday 7:22 am
Looking forward to the wedding in May. Just trying to figure out how I'm gonna put that week together. Think I might get into town a couple of days before the event so things won't be such a rush. The closer the time approaches, the more settled my plans will be.
Thinking about following up hug on that hug from L.S. that was so real a few months ago, but things not always what they seem to you. As usual I will play it by ear.
On the tail end of the wedding though, I think I'll spend that weekend in the city and head back to Ohio by that next Sunday or Monday, depending on what's happening.
Looking forward to the wedding in May. Just trying to figure out how I'm gonna put that week together. Think I might get into town a couple of days before the event so things won't be such a rush. The closer the time approaches, the more settled my plans will be.
Thinking about following up hug on that hug from L.S. that was so real a few months ago, but things not always what they seem to you. As usual I will play it by ear.
On the tail end of the wedding though, I think I'll spend that weekend in the city and head back to Ohio by that next Sunday or Monday, depending on what's happening.
Sunday, December 11, 2016
movie day
Lonewolf's Movie Review - Movies I watched on cable- 2013
"Freedomland" (2006) Dir. Joe Roth
A Samuel L. Jackson movie. I enjoyed the mystery of wondering what the fuck happened. The "projects" under-siege didn't work for me, but the missing child theme had me calling my children to see if they were okay, and where they were supposed to be. When they were searching for the child in "Freedomland," an abandoned facility once used to house mentally disturbed children, the scenes reminded me of Geraldo Rivera's expose' documentary about Willowbrooke, and most recently, the second season of "American Horror Story: Asylum."
===================================================
Then I watched the epic "King of Kings" (1961) Dir. Nicholas Ray
It was your usual long (3 hrs) boring biblical film about the life of Jesus Christ. Not much you can do with a story like that except add characters that never existed to boost the story-line. Much has been made about Jesus dying on the cross to save our, meaning all of us in the world, but in this movie, I got the impression that he died for his followers at that time and place.
"Freedomland" (2006) Dir. Joe Roth
A Samuel L. Jackson movie. I enjoyed the mystery of wondering what the fuck happened. The "projects" under-siege didn't work for me, but the missing child theme had me calling my children to see if they were okay, and where they were supposed to be. When they were searching for the child in "Freedomland," an abandoned facility once used to house mentally disturbed children, the scenes reminded me of Geraldo Rivera's expose' documentary about Willowbrooke, and most recently, the second season of "American Horror Story: Asylum."
===================================================
Then I watched the epic "King of Kings" (1961) Dir. Nicholas Ray
It was your usual long (3 hrs) boring biblical film about the life of Jesus Christ. Not much you can do with a story like that except add characters that never existed to boost the story-line. Much has been made about Jesus dying on the cross to save our, meaning all of us in the world, but in this movie, I got the impression that he died for his followers at that time and place.
Monday, December 5, 2016
THANK YOU - Brook Benton
1/24 - Friday 9:55am
When I watch my TV shows and movies and stuff, it's not without a purpose. It's all about research for my writing skills. I learn a ton about setting up scenes, developing character and story lines in my novels and short stories that are in the works.
I absolutely enjoy this aspect of research because it doesn't matter the genre of the show I'm watching. It all is about helping to improve my writing abilities.
There will come a time in the next month or so when I will have to knuckle down and get that 2nd draft of "Y2K" written out, TV or not!
1/25 - Saturday 11:40 pm
The poetry is starting to flow very smoothly. I'm working on getting my stuff down, my collections that is, of which there are at least 3 by now. This flow is a direct result of my poetry workshops on Wednesdays, and at any time the muse hits. Then I pick up my scratch pad or workbook and scribble down my latest thoughts.
By the end of the year I hope to have a more definite idea of what I'm working with and how to proceed forward.
There's an awful lot going on in my head right now. This week I will get more on the ball with the next step in my 2nd draft of Y2K.
1/26- Sunday 8:15 am
Looking to put in some serious time and effort this week in getting the Y2K 2nd draft off and running.
The month of January has been very slow and lethargic. I will impose some serious strategic changes in my life-style to help out: Make up the futon into a sofa; Use the dining room table as a new writing spot.
These moves will take me away from the comforts of laying down when the mood hits me, no matter what I'm in the middle of doing. This may not even be the problem behind the lethargy I've felt on many a day. It could be the heat, because it has been cold outside.
Whatever the case, instead of getting things done this month, I felt that I spent far too much time relaxing.
When I watch my TV shows and movies and stuff, it's not without a purpose. It's all about research for my writing skills. I learn a ton about setting up scenes, developing character and story lines in my novels and short stories that are in the works.
I absolutely enjoy this aspect of research because it doesn't matter the genre of the show I'm watching. It all is about helping to improve my writing abilities.
There will come a time in the next month or so when I will have to knuckle down and get that 2nd draft of "Y2K" written out, TV or not!
1/25 - Saturday 11:40 pm
The poetry is starting to flow very smoothly. I'm working on getting my stuff down, my collections that is, of which there are at least 3 by now. This flow is a direct result of my poetry workshops on Wednesdays, and at any time the muse hits. Then I pick up my scratch pad or workbook and scribble down my latest thoughts.
By the end of the year I hope to have a more definite idea of what I'm working with and how to proceed forward.
There's an awful lot going on in my head right now. This week I will get more on the ball with the next step in my 2nd draft of Y2K.
1/26- Sunday 8:15 am
Looking to put in some serious time and effort this week in getting the Y2K 2nd draft off and running.
The month of January has been very slow and lethargic. I will impose some serious strategic changes in my life-style to help out: Make up the futon into a sofa; Use the dining room table as a new writing spot.
These moves will take me away from the comforts of laying down when the mood hits me, no matter what I'm in the middle of doing. This may not even be the problem behind the lethargy I've felt on many a day. It could be the heat, because it has been cold outside.
Whatever the case, instead of getting things done this month, I felt that I spent far too much time relaxing.
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
I'LL TAKE YOU THERE - The Staple Singers
1/23 -Thursday 10:57 PM
For a few days now I be having these old school tunes in my head every day, especially in the morning. What triggers them is hard to say but from now on I will put them down in writing, as, and if, I remember them...
...I can't help but think about some of the ladies in my life that have really been terrific to me. I realize now that this affinity for women has been a very sharp two-edged sword. But I have been content to take all the bad that came along with it because I can see where my recent trend of being without will soon change.
For a few days now I be having these old school tunes in my head every day, especially in the morning. What triggers them is hard to say but from now on I will put them down in writing, as, and if, I remember them...
...I can't help but think about some of the ladies in my life that have really been terrific to me. I realize now that this affinity for women has been a very sharp two-edged sword. But I have been content to take all the bad that came along with it because I can see where my recent trend of being without will soon change.
Monday, November 21, 2016
b.a.b.y. - Carla Thomas
1/22- Wednesday 9:51 pm
Throughout my life I've had some wonderful "Lady" moments. I can't complain about the shape I'm in right now. Sure I could or would prefer to be in some type of reciprocal relationship, but then again, I don't know. I'm probably better off without the distraction. Or maybe not. Maybe a woman every now and then could even be an inspiration. Who can say? Now except for the idea of being a distraction, I could turn a relationship into something positive. I think I can.
Later on this year I will get to see how that would all work out, because by the end of May I will be a part of a relationship. I think.
1/23- Thursday 10:51 am
For a few days now I will be having these old school tunes in my head every day, especially in the morning. What triggers them is hard to say, but from now on, I will put them down in writing, as, and if I remember them...
I can't help but think about some of the ladies in my life that have really been terrific to me. I realize now that this affinity for women has been a very sharp two-edged sword. But I have been content to take all the bad that came along with it, because they come as a package.
With this in mind, I can see where my recent trend of being without will soon change.
1/24 - Friday 9:55 am
When I watch my TV shows and movies and stuff, it's not without a purpose. It's all about research for my writing skills and projects. I learn a ton about setting up scenes, developing character, and story-lines in my novels and short stories that are in the works.
I absolutely enjoy this aspect of research because it doesn't matter the genre of the show I'm watching. It's all about helping to improve my writing abilities.
There will come a time in the next month or so when I will have to knuckle down and get that 2nd draft of Y2K written out, TV show or no.
Throughout my life I've had some wonderful "Lady" moments. I can't complain about the shape I'm in right now. Sure I could or would prefer to be in some type of reciprocal relationship, but then again, I don't know. I'm probably better off without the distraction. Or maybe not. Maybe a woman every now and then could even be an inspiration. Who can say? Now except for the idea of being a distraction, I could turn a relationship into something positive. I think I can.
Later on this year I will get to see how that would all work out, because by the end of May I will be a part of a relationship. I think.
1/23- Thursday 10:51 am
For a few days now I will be having these old school tunes in my head every day, especially in the morning. What triggers them is hard to say, but from now on, I will put them down in writing, as, and if I remember them...
I can't help but think about some of the ladies in my life that have really been terrific to me. I realize now that this affinity for women has been a very sharp two-edged sword. But I have been content to take all the bad that came along with it, because they come as a package.
With this in mind, I can see where my recent trend of being without will soon change.
1/24 - Friday 9:55 am
When I watch my TV shows and movies and stuff, it's not without a purpose. It's all about research for my writing skills and projects. I learn a ton about setting up scenes, developing character, and story-lines in my novels and short stories that are in the works.
I absolutely enjoy this aspect of research because it doesn't matter the genre of the show I'm watching. It's all about helping to improve my writing abilities.
There will come a time in the next month or so when I will have to knuckle down and get that 2nd draft of Y2K written out, TV show or no.
Saturday, November 19, 2016
MOVIE DAY
Lonewolf's Movie Review 2013-Movies I watched on cable
"Waiting to Exhale" (1995) Dir. Forest Whitaker
A good movie about feeling good about yourself and doing the right thing for you. It's about relationships on all levels. Good soundtrack, good cast of performers. Based on Terry McMillan's novel of the same name. Very sensitively directed by Whitaker. A "Happy New Year" movie. (about new beginnings)
===========================================
"Hoodlum" Dir. Bill Duke
Set in Harlem circa 1934. A gangster movie with scenes similar to scenes in the "Godfather." Obligatory violence. Great scene with Wesley Snipes and Angela Basset. One of the best in the film.
Did the "Queen" really exist? Was Bumpy Johnson (Ellsworth) really a poet?
L. Maltin, movie critic, says that "Hoodlum" is a "Godfather" wannabe.
"Waiting to Exhale" (1995) Dir. Forest Whitaker
A good movie about feeling good about yourself and doing the right thing for you. It's about relationships on all levels. Good soundtrack, good cast of performers. Based on Terry McMillan's novel of the same name. Very sensitively directed by Whitaker. A "Happy New Year" movie. (about new beginnings)
===========================================
"Hoodlum" Dir. Bill Duke
Set in Harlem circa 1934. A gangster movie with scenes similar to scenes in the "Godfather." Obligatory violence. Great scene with Wesley Snipes and Angela Basset. One of the best in the film.
Did the "Queen" really exist? Was Bumpy Johnson (Ellsworth) really a poet?
L. Maltin, movie critic, says that "Hoodlum" is a "Godfather" wannabe.
Monday, November 14, 2016
1/16 - Thursday - 7:20 am
Trying to get my whole thing together, I went online to apply for health insurance. At first it went smoothly, but after a while I got stuck on completion of the application process. What I succeeded in doing was starting an account with healthcaresource.com. A start at least. Next time maybe I will get to the next level.
Also, due to some stuff I don't even know how, I had to change my password to my jahluv email account to gain access to it after the password was changed or something, I don't even know. It all started when I innocently tried to update my credit card info with micro-soft for my monthly payment for their office premium on the girl's laptop. Online business is tricky.
1/17 - Friday 7:20 am
Maybe I should be a bigger man, but I detest being around my ex-wife. As a result, I am reluctant about attending events in which my children are involved. I'm just through, I don't want anything to do with her. I'm yucked out already.
My cousin/big sister Shirley Alberta Radcliffe Brown Jones, Whew! has a birth date today. If I'm not wrong she just hit the big 70. I wish her many more.
I may have just found a new writing spot. No, not on my laptop or phone, or Nook, but in my house, at my dining room table. I like it. A few things got to happen first: Namely, I must have my house to myself...
1/19- Sunday 9:04 pm
2014 is shaping up to be an exciting year. I got peeps getting married, graduating from high school, and reigniting relationships. I'm very excited.
I had a few writing classes scheduled, but I think I'll stay put here in Ohio until May.
1/21 - Tuesday 7:25 am
My poetry flow is working. I got things lined up to revise verses from my various collections. So far I've got two of them on my writing spot, and I'm working on the third. Once they all are in front of me I can revise at will and get a look at what I'm really saying.
It's an exciting time for me and all my writing projects. I just look forward to setting my ducks up in a row and knocking them over.
The start of the year in terms of burning the midnight oil has been slow, but activity will soon pick up.
Trying to get my whole thing together, I went online to apply for health insurance. At first it went smoothly, but after a while I got stuck on completion of the application process. What I succeeded in doing was starting an account with healthcaresource.com. A start at least. Next time maybe I will get to the next level.
Also, due to some stuff I don't even know how, I had to change my password to my jahluv email account to gain access to it after the password was changed or something, I don't even know. It all started when I innocently tried to update my credit card info with micro-soft for my monthly payment for their office premium on the girl's laptop. Online business is tricky.
1/17 - Friday 7:20 am
Maybe I should be a bigger man, but I detest being around my ex-wife. As a result, I am reluctant about attending events in which my children are involved. I'm just through, I don't want anything to do with her. I'm yucked out already.
My cousin/big sister Shirley Alberta Radcliffe Brown Jones, Whew! has a birth date today. If I'm not wrong she just hit the big 70. I wish her many more.
I may have just found a new writing spot. No, not on my laptop or phone, or Nook, but in my house, at my dining room table. I like it. A few things got to happen first: Namely, I must have my house to myself...
1/19- Sunday 9:04 pm
2014 is shaping up to be an exciting year. I got peeps getting married, graduating from high school, and reigniting relationships. I'm very excited.
I had a few writing classes scheduled, but I think I'll stay put here in Ohio until May.
1/21 - Tuesday 7:25 am
My poetry flow is working. I got things lined up to revise verses from my various collections. So far I've got two of them on my writing spot, and I'm working on the third. Once they all are in front of me I can revise at will and get a look at what I'm really saying.
It's an exciting time for me and all my writing projects. I just look forward to setting my ducks up in a row and knocking them over.
The start of the year in terms of burning the midnight oil has been slow, but activity will soon pick up.
Monday, October 31, 2016
MONDAY 7:17 AM
1/13
Been kinda slow getting busy with the production of Y2K. I was able to get the entire manuscript on paper which I find better to move on to the next draft phase, than the electronic copies on my laptop's "my writing spot," or even my flash drives. Now I can move forward. I just need to read the entire manuscript written at two different times, one in 2009 when I originally sat down to write it, and again in 2012 when I decided to finish it. Altogether, however, it's only about 40K words, and from what I can see so far two different stories have emerged. My challenge is to turn it into one novel. That is the direction I'm headed in now: Looking at what I've written and putting it all together in one cohesive story. I will sort through the pages and "cut & paste" my words together to make the whole thing complete/a whole story. From that point on and even in between, I will develop character,plot, and the entire story structure.
ADDENDUM
...Took a walk over to Fed-Ex to have my manuscript printed up off a flash-drive. I have never had a greater feeling than watching those pages printed out. It validated me, yours truly as a writer. Not that I ever doubted my credentials or noting like that, but oh what a feeling to hold those printed pages in my hand.
1/14 - Tuesday 7:49 am
Yeh, if you know already, yesterday's "journal write" was not timed. After I caught on, I ended without knowing how long I rambled. But it was probably necessary.
I really have to get on track with Y2K and stay there until it's done, whatever that means right now. I'm not halfway or close to finishing up with reading the manuscript. So far what I recognize is the story, thus far, is a haphazard effort. The drafts that followed Y2K were more cohesive, and would probably be a better start, but I still gotta whip it into shape. There is no better time than now. And knowing me, as I do, I need to start from the beginning and proceed methodically to the end in a more or less straight line.
1/15- Wednesday 7:26 am
The narrative flow and direction of Y2K from the initial writing in 2009 to the restart or addition in 2012 is dramatically different. The growth in my writing is evident. The task now before me is to direct those two distinctly different stories into one. What to do, would be to follow the draft I completed in 2012 using the format of the Book-In-A-Month process. It's my only hope of developing one story out of the two.
In 2009 I wrote from notes accumulated since the early 80s, and maybe even further back. In 2012 I incorporated some of those elements into my first draft and wrote the story down with new characters.
Been kinda slow getting busy with the production of Y2K. I was able to get the entire manuscript on paper which I find better to move on to the next draft phase, than the electronic copies on my laptop's "my writing spot," or even my flash drives. Now I can move forward. I just need to read the entire manuscript written at two different times, one in 2009 when I originally sat down to write it, and again in 2012 when I decided to finish it. Altogether, however, it's only about 40K words, and from what I can see so far two different stories have emerged. My challenge is to turn it into one novel. That is the direction I'm headed in now: Looking at what I've written and putting it all together in one cohesive story. I will sort through the pages and "cut & paste" my words together to make the whole thing complete/a whole story. From that point on and even in between, I will develop character,plot, and the entire story structure.
ADDENDUM
...Took a walk over to Fed-Ex to have my manuscript printed up off a flash-drive. I have never had a greater feeling than watching those pages printed out. It validated me, yours truly as a writer. Not that I ever doubted my credentials or noting like that, but oh what a feeling to hold those printed pages in my hand.
1/14 - Tuesday 7:49 am
Yeh, if you know already, yesterday's "journal write" was not timed. After I caught on, I ended without knowing how long I rambled. But it was probably necessary.
I really have to get on track with Y2K and stay there until it's done, whatever that means right now. I'm not halfway or close to finishing up with reading the manuscript. So far what I recognize is the story, thus far, is a haphazard effort. The drafts that followed Y2K were more cohesive, and would probably be a better start, but I still gotta whip it into shape. There is no better time than now. And knowing me, as I do, I need to start from the beginning and proceed methodically to the end in a more or less straight line.
1/15- Wednesday 7:26 am
The narrative flow and direction of Y2K from the initial writing in 2009 to the restart or addition in 2012 is dramatically different. The growth in my writing is evident. The task now before me is to direct those two distinctly different stories into one. What to do, would be to follow the draft I completed in 2012 using the format of the Book-In-A-Month process. It's my only hope of developing one story out of the two.
In 2009 I wrote from notes accumulated since the early 80s, and maybe even further back. In 2012 I incorporated some of those elements into my first draft and wrote the story down with new characters.
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
A BRAND NEW YEAR- WINTER
SPECIAL NOTE:
The titles you see are songs that randomly popped into my head on that particular day for whatever reason. Sometimes I know, sometimes I don't!
1/10- Friday - 7:30 pm
Had a painful night. My back and shoulder, my bunion and my teeth were all coming at me the same time. Out of nowhere these pains came and afflicted me . Eventually I had to take a pain killer. Today is only a little better but I hope they will soon all stop. I already know I'ma need some help. And on top of that it's pouring rain so my allergy is kicking in too. So all I need now to complete the cycle would be a sky high blood pressure. I'm not tryna will it on but I'm just saying...
If you wasn't here last week you would not be able to tell by the weather outside that snow and ice was all over the place and we froze our asses off.
1/ll - Saturday 7:40 pm
Surprise visit. My sister, my niece, and two of my grand nieces stopped by my huse on a surprise visit. Really? A great moment in time. My grand niece, SHAKIRA was on her way to an internship at a college in Findlay, Ohio, a few, or should I say a couple away from Whitehall.
I remember holding SHAKIRA together as she recited her poem at the memorial services for DEL. Needless to say, I enjoyed their brief visit. I love those relatives of mine. At the same time, after they left I got a letter in the mail to verify the inscription on the headstone for DEL'S final resting place.
1/12 - Sunday 7:17 am
I can't think of anything I've done to earn my ex-wife's disdain. I say ex even though we are not yet divorced. According to my children's reactions at times, it seems she has no type of "love" for me.
Yeah I told her she needed to keep her mouth closed one time. Yeah I told her I would protect my babies at all cost, even from her if I had to, but other than that I ain't done a thing.
There are some things I could do to throw a monkey-wrench in the operation, but I don't because I want my babies to be happy as they can be.
So I'll just "eat it" as they say. One day the shit will hit the fan then we will see which way everybody gonna run.
The titles you see are songs that randomly popped into my head on that particular day for whatever reason. Sometimes I know, sometimes I don't!
1/10- Friday - 7:30 pm
Had a painful night. My back and shoulder, my bunion and my teeth were all coming at me the same time. Out of nowhere these pains came and afflicted me . Eventually I had to take a pain killer. Today is only a little better but I hope they will soon all stop. I already know I'ma need some help. And on top of that it's pouring rain so my allergy is kicking in too. So all I need now to complete the cycle would be a sky high blood pressure. I'm not tryna will it on but I'm just saying...
If you wasn't here last week you would not be able to tell by the weather outside that snow and ice was all over the place and we froze our asses off.
1/ll - Saturday 7:40 pm
Surprise visit. My sister, my niece, and two of my grand nieces stopped by my huse on a surprise visit. Really? A great moment in time. My grand niece, SHAKIRA was on her way to an internship at a college in Findlay, Ohio, a few, or should I say a couple away from Whitehall.
I remember holding SHAKIRA together as she recited her poem at the memorial services for DEL. Needless to say, I enjoyed their brief visit. I love those relatives of mine. At the same time, after they left I got a letter in the mail to verify the inscription on the headstone for DEL'S final resting place.
1/12 - Sunday 7:17 am
I can't think of anything I've done to earn my ex-wife's disdain. I say ex even though we are not yet divorced. According to my children's reactions at times, it seems she has no type of "love" for me.
Yeah I told her she needed to keep her mouth closed one time. Yeah I told her I would protect my babies at all cost, even from her if I had to, but other than that I ain't done a thing.
There are some things I could do to throw a monkey-wrench in the operation, but I don't because I want my babies to be happy as they can be.
So I'll just "eat it" as they say. One day the shit will hit the fan then we will see which way everybody gonna run.
Monday, October 17, 2016
9/18
I used to have a real thing for A.S. back awhile ago when I was still working at BH Houses. She was the bitch of my dreams back then. Fine and beautiful, about eleven years younger than I, but you know me, age ain never been but a number to me. We never got off on a romantic track but I sent her cards expressing my feelings for her on every occasion I could, especially romantic holidays.
She called me out of the blue one day, around 1988 or something like that, to find out what was up with me, but at the time I was all wrapped up in something. We made a date to see each other, but I didn't bother to show up. I had BL in my life then, and there was no need to even start something I couldn't finish.
9/19
919 has some bitter-sweet memories for me. I lived at 919 Lincoln Place once upon a time after I first got married. I was attending the New York Institute of Photography at the time and I remember setting up a darkroom in the extra bed room we had.
It was a sweet memory developing my own rolls of film and seeing my pictures come to life. I felt so professional.
But then my wife never came home until early in the morning, and didn't ever give me those much anticipated newlywed goods. She was too busy giving them to another man.
9/20
It's been a good run for this Summer Writing Binge concept I came up with for my blog, "Let's Talk Poetry." I made an entry almost every day except for these last few days of the month, when I ran out of time to get to my notebooks. Actually, I scheduled my entries for about 10:30 pm, but by the time the hour rolled around I was often too sleepy to write anything coherent.
In the next binge segment I will make entries earlier in the day when my head is fresher and clearer. This could be the start of something.
9/21
This is the last day and night of the summer of 2013, and the last entry for my summer poetry writing binge. Most of the entries are free-writings for five minute intervals. I will cull through these entries and make a poem out of each one where a poem is found.
As a whole, my students on "Let's Talk Poetry," as well as myself, wrote whatever came to our minds at the time. Now I will query my students and challenge them to come up with poetry from those entries, and I will do the same, because I never give my students an assignment I don't complete myself.
I will continue these free-write activities for the winter of 2015.
I used to have a real thing for A.S. back awhile ago when I was still working at BH Houses. She was the bitch of my dreams back then. Fine and beautiful, about eleven years younger than I, but you know me, age ain never been but a number to me. We never got off on a romantic track but I sent her cards expressing my feelings for her on every occasion I could, especially romantic holidays.
She called me out of the blue one day, around 1988 or something like that, to find out what was up with me, but at the time I was all wrapped up in something. We made a date to see each other, but I didn't bother to show up. I had BL in my life then, and there was no need to even start something I couldn't finish.
9/19
919 has some bitter-sweet memories for me. I lived at 919 Lincoln Place once upon a time after I first got married. I was attending the New York Institute of Photography at the time and I remember setting up a darkroom in the extra bed room we had.
It was a sweet memory developing my own rolls of film and seeing my pictures come to life. I felt so professional.
But then my wife never came home until early in the morning, and didn't ever give me those much anticipated newlywed goods. She was too busy giving them to another man.
9/20
It's been a good run for this Summer Writing Binge concept I came up with for my blog, "Let's Talk Poetry." I made an entry almost every day except for these last few days of the month, when I ran out of time to get to my notebooks. Actually, I scheduled my entries for about 10:30 pm, but by the time the hour rolled around I was often too sleepy to write anything coherent.
In the next binge segment I will make entries earlier in the day when my head is fresher and clearer. This could be the start of something.
9/21
This is the last day and night of the summer of 2013, and the last entry for my summer poetry writing binge. Most of the entries are free-writings for five minute intervals. I will cull through these entries and make a poem out of each one where a poem is found.
As a whole, my students on "Let's Talk Poetry," as well as myself, wrote whatever came to our minds at the time. Now I will query my students and challenge them to come up with poetry from those entries, and I will do the same, because I never give my students an assignment I don't complete myself.
I will continue these free-write activities for the winter of 2015.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
9/15
My prayers are that everything in my life will continue as it has been. What will be, will be, but I would love for everything to just fall in line like they spoze to.
Sill waiting for some word bout the settlement check. I've signed and had some papers notarized. I'm up to here with the formalities of legality. I just wanna get the money my mother's responsible for and do the right thing.
9/16
My nephew, Tekoa turns 38 today. My baby sister's oldest child has been without her for a couple of years now. Bunch died right after my mother, just leaving us all in shock. And he, being slightly mentally delayed, we don't understand how much he understood, except that he knows she won't be there any more. Sad, as close as they were. If he could express himself more, verbally, he probably could tell us things we never knew.
9/17
Made a lot of improvements or decorations in my home, but I still have a ways to go yet. The major purchases have all been made for the most part, except for a dining room set. I plan to make that purchase around the Thanksgiving holiday time. The little nik-niks that go with it will come afterwards.
Then, in the kitchen I want a new microwave and pots and pans and rugs for every room needs to be replaced. By the year's end, this house will have my touch throughout.
My prayers are that everything in my life will continue as it has been. What will be, will be, but I would love for everything to just fall in line like they spoze to.
Sill waiting for some word bout the settlement check. I've signed and had some papers notarized. I'm up to here with the formalities of legality. I just wanna get the money my mother's responsible for and do the right thing.
9/16
My nephew, Tekoa turns 38 today. My baby sister's oldest child has been without her for a couple of years now. Bunch died right after my mother, just leaving us all in shock. And he, being slightly mentally delayed, we don't understand how much he understood, except that he knows she won't be there any more. Sad, as close as they were. If he could express himself more, verbally, he probably could tell us things we never knew.
9/17
Made a lot of improvements or decorations in my home, but I still have a ways to go yet. The major purchases have all been made for the most part, except for a dining room set. I plan to make that purchase around the Thanksgiving holiday time. The little nik-niks that go with it will come afterwards.
Then, in the kitchen I want a new microwave and pots and pans and rugs for every room needs to be replaced. By the year's end, this house will have my touch throughout.
Monday, October 3, 2016
9/11...
...is one of those days you will always remember where you were "When." Some say it was a terrorist attack, but who really knows? I had done a double-shift that night and hurried home to my wife and small children. The oldest two children were already in school. My older two sons were also about their daily schedule. My wife walked out the door several minutes before the first tower went down. I watched in horror and amazement. I immediately called my wife on her cell and told her what had just happened. She insisted her mission to the city for her job was important, and further, "was not even in that direction." She didn't know it then but that train she took was the last train out of Brooklyn for a long while.
9/12
Got myself a cd player. Another one of my many b-day presents I bought myself. No sense in holding on to too much cash. I'm out to enjoy myself from now on. I look forward to many more self-treats like this. Got my eyes on a tape deck too. I probably reel it in in a week or two. I will then have all of my music at my beck and call. My entire collection: vinyl, including a vocabulary set, cassettes, and cd's are at my disposal, not to mention the latest mp3 type formats.
9/13
They say when the thirteenth of the month falls on Friday it's a bad luck day; for those of us who believe in such things, maybe, anyway.
I never was one much for superstition, but shit happens. My son's car got towed. Not because of bad luck. He was parked in a tow-away zone!
My daughter's ex or not, was suspended from his job. Whose fault was that? Bad luck?
I'm a firm believer in what will be will be.
So much for bad luck!
9/14
Holiest day of the year finds me with my scriptures as usual. I'm praying that a good year will be inscribed for me. My whole life has been a "good year" though. I have never wanted for anything, ever. I may have had some ups and downs, but for the most part, everything has been great.
...is one of those days you will always remember where you were "When." Some say it was a terrorist attack, but who really knows? I had done a double-shift that night and hurried home to my wife and small children. The oldest two children were already in school. My older two sons were also about their daily schedule. My wife walked out the door several minutes before the first tower went down. I watched in horror and amazement. I immediately called my wife on her cell and told her what had just happened. She insisted her mission to the city for her job was important, and further, "was not even in that direction." She didn't know it then but that train she took was the last train out of Brooklyn for a long while.
9/12
Got myself a cd player. Another one of my many b-day presents I bought myself. No sense in holding on to too much cash. I'm out to enjoy myself from now on. I look forward to many more self-treats like this. Got my eyes on a tape deck too. I probably reel it in in a week or two. I will then have all of my music at my beck and call. My entire collection: vinyl, including a vocabulary set, cassettes, and cd's are at my disposal, not to mention the latest mp3 type formats.
9/13
They say when the thirteenth of the month falls on Friday it's a bad luck day; for those of us who believe in such things, maybe, anyway.
I never was one much for superstition, but shit happens. My son's car got towed. Not because of bad luck. He was parked in a tow-away zone!
My daughter's ex or not, was suspended from his job. Whose fault was that? Bad luck?
I'm a firm believer in what will be will be.
So much for bad luck!
9/14
Holiest day of the year finds me with my scriptures as usual. I'm praying that a good year will be inscribed for me. My whole life has been a "good year" though. I have never wanted for anything, ever. I may have had some ups and downs, but for the most part, everything has been great.
Monday, September 19, 2016
9/4
The High Holy Days are here. This year I pray and fast as usual. Each year I get a clearer understanding of how the Most High operates in our lives. It's personal, but not as personal as some folks, a lot of folks, think. If you notice, there is ORDER in this universe. If you notice, of all the knowledge we have attained, there is still ONE thing we cannot comprehend, or know for sure, and that is how life works and why it works; we only know that it works. Like electricity, we use the power but cannot really say or understand how the source of that power is generated.
9/5
Been routinely getting in my prayers and meditations, as well as my yoga asanas. Long time since they all been consistent.
Thought about CG the other day. Thinking how we got to be an item at that time. I was really attracted to her. She was the most mature out of all the girls I met that summer. It never occurred to me that any actions toward her would have been "statutory rape."
9/6
With my 63rd b-day on the horizon, I'm looking to do something unique. If this was back in the day, it would be no question.
I got new lamps already, a tv and dvd player, and some wall art. Would love to have/get some new linen for my futon. Speaking of which, I switched my bedroom up like back when I was at 270, with the futon giving me an unlimited amount of space to live and work in. I'm much more relaxed now.
9/7
A shopping spree is definitely the way to go. So far, for my b-day, which is Monday, the 9th, I have some events planned out.
First thing, I'm getting my coffee table and another futon cover, brown. I would love the end tables too, but I don't see a spot for them, but I keep looking. I wanna browse/shop at Wal-Mart's and Macy's. I need an outfit for Alexis' workshop on the 30th. The possibilities are unlimited.
9/8
A few hours from now I will tip the scales at 63 years of age. How blessed is that. I'm glad I feel fine. My body is in relatively good shape, and all my facilities are working.
As it stands now, for my b-day, I will browse the aisles at Target and see what jumps out at me.
9/9
Funny how I haven't felt any older since I can remember when. The steady invasion and conquering that my gray hairs are doing is my only clue. Yeah, every now and then I see it in my face. The lines are firmly establishing themselves. I'm an older person, but I feel good about the process, as well I should because nothing can turn back the clock.
I look forward to living a clean happy end of the rest of my life, a life filled with carefree living. Oh yeah, that's right, I'm doing me.
9/10
Not out the woods with hypertension, but I feel like I know what I should be doing. It won't catch me off guard any more. I monitor my sodium intake and my pressure on a daily. It feels good to know what's what.
I'm scared but I would love to love again. Of course it has to be the perfect situation. I really think I'm more interested in sexual and romantic feelings more than anything else, but haven't I always...Nothing has changed in that department.
I fantasize an old/young flame rekindling kind of something.
The High Holy Days are here. This year I pray and fast as usual. Each year I get a clearer understanding of how the Most High operates in our lives. It's personal, but not as personal as some folks, a lot of folks, think. If you notice, there is ORDER in this universe. If you notice, of all the knowledge we have attained, there is still ONE thing we cannot comprehend, or know for sure, and that is how life works and why it works; we only know that it works. Like electricity, we use the power but cannot really say or understand how the source of that power is generated.
9/5
Been routinely getting in my prayers and meditations, as well as my yoga asanas. Long time since they all been consistent.
Thought about CG the other day. Thinking how we got to be an item at that time. I was really attracted to her. She was the most mature out of all the girls I met that summer. It never occurred to me that any actions toward her would have been "statutory rape."
9/6
With my 63rd b-day on the horizon, I'm looking to do something unique. If this was back in the day, it would be no question.
I got new lamps already, a tv and dvd player, and some wall art. Would love to have/get some new linen for my futon. Speaking of which, I switched my bedroom up like back when I was at 270, with the futon giving me an unlimited amount of space to live and work in. I'm much more relaxed now.
9/7
A shopping spree is definitely the way to go. So far, for my b-day, which is Monday, the 9th, I have some events planned out.
First thing, I'm getting my coffee table and another futon cover, brown. I would love the end tables too, but I don't see a spot for them, but I keep looking. I wanna browse/shop at Wal-Mart's and Macy's. I need an outfit for Alexis' workshop on the 30th. The possibilities are unlimited.
9/8
A few hours from now I will tip the scales at 63 years of age. How blessed is that. I'm glad I feel fine. My body is in relatively good shape, and all my facilities are working.
As it stands now, for my b-day, I will browse the aisles at Target and see what jumps out at me.
9/9
Funny how I haven't felt any older since I can remember when. The steady invasion and conquering that my gray hairs are doing is my only clue. Yeah, every now and then I see it in my face. The lines are firmly establishing themselves. I'm an older person, but I feel good about the process, as well I should because nothing can turn back the clock.
I look forward to living a clean happy end of the rest of my life, a life filled with carefree living. Oh yeah, that's right, I'm doing me.
9/10
Not out the woods with hypertension, but I feel like I know what I should be doing. It won't catch me off guard any more. I monitor my sodium intake and my pressure on a daily. It feels good to know what's what.
I'm scared but I would love to love again. Of course it has to be the perfect situation. I really think I'm more interested in sexual and romantic feelings more than anything else, but haven't I always...Nothing has changed in that department.
I fantasize an old/young flame rekindling kind of something.
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
9/1
Messed around all day and forgot to call Doll for her bday. Actually I did call but got a busy signal at the time. After I got into my routine I remembered but it was much too late. I should have called her at six this morning when I thought it was too early. See how things work out.
Feeling much better lately so I hope the trend continues. When my bday roll along in a few days I wanna be well.
9/2
Spent bout an hour and a half waiting for a bus that didn't show up. I understand it was a holiday (Labor Day) but come on man! You would have thought the bus only ran in one direction because at least (in that same time frame) three buses went by on the other side.
I guess in the end I learned patience cause that bus still ain't showed up yet and I done everything I started out to do that day.
9/3
I don't know if I said this somewhere else before, but I give up on B.L. I tried, I tried in every way I could to have a harmonious relationship, just for the sake of the kid's heads, really, but it didn't work. So fuckit! Que sera, sera. Life is too valuable to waste on pure bullshit, to short to be fuckin around with ignorant people. I wasted enough time already. If only I knew.
Well all things in their time and guess what? I know now.
Messed around all day and forgot to call Doll for her bday. Actually I did call but got a busy signal at the time. After I got into my routine I remembered but it was much too late. I should have called her at six this morning when I thought it was too early. See how things work out.
Feeling much better lately so I hope the trend continues. When my bday roll along in a few days I wanna be well.
9/2
Spent bout an hour and a half waiting for a bus that didn't show up. I understand it was a holiday (Labor Day) but come on man! You would have thought the bus only ran in one direction because at least (in that same time frame) three buses went by on the other side.
I guess in the end I learned patience cause that bus still ain't showed up yet and I done everything I started out to do that day.
9/3
I don't know if I said this somewhere else before, but I give up on B.L. I tried, I tried in every way I could to have a harmonious relationship, just for the sake of the kid's heads, really, but it didn't work. So fuckit! Que sera, sera. Life is too valuable to waste on pure bullshit, to short to be fuckin around with ignorant people. I wasted enough time already. If only I knew.
Well all things in their time and guess what? I know now.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
8/30
I'm not in the mood for love anymore. Not like before anyway. I just need a partner to share some special moments with, if you know what I mean. I just don't have the fortitude or the patience, or especially the time. I'm also just not in the mood for love anymore. Not like before anyway.
8/31
Turning over that new leaf I been turning over for years now. Now is the time. I have so much to look forward to: My first grand child; I just found out too, that my first born son is getting married next May. I hope by then I have some arm candy, but now that I think about it, even if that is the case, it wouldn't be a good idea to show them off. I'm not trying to make anybody uncomfortable. I just wanna do my thing and get my groove on for a while, cause I feel it in my bones that I still got plenty of those type days left in me.
I'm not in the mood for love anymore. Not like before anyway. I just need a partner to share some special moments with, if you know what I mean. I just don't have the fortitude or the patience, or especially the time. I'm also just not in the mood for love anymore. Not like before anyway.
8/31
Turning over that new leaf I been turning over for years now. Now is the time. I have so much to look forward to: My first grand child; I just found out too, that my first born son is getting married next May. I hope by then I have some arm candy, but now that I think about it, even if that is the case, it wouldn't be a good idea to show them off. I'm not trying to make anybody uncomfortable. I just wanna do my thing and get my groove on for a while, cause I feel it in my bones that I still got plenty of those type days left in me.
Saturday, June 11, 2016
8/27
C.G. was the very first of the PYTs of my adult life. Although we were only 6 years apart when I met her, she was only 15. I was amazed at her maturity. She was a Sagittarius who was well ahead of her time. We shared a lot of feelings but no romance. Years later when she became of age, we thought about it, but her care for other people's feelings would not allow her.
8/28
I spent a lot of time with Sweet T, the Lady Libra. She was 20 years my junior, but age was truly only a number. We shared many precious moments together, through ups and very downs, including her being homeless for a period of time. While I knew her she lived in at least 3 different places, which we christened them all. Although we were severely romantic, she already had 2 children, and at one time was pregnant with her third child. No, it was not mine.
8/29
From somewhere, I got a severe cold and cough. I been suffering for a few days now and it has affected my everything. My pressure is erratic, to say the least and I'm at a loss as to how to medicate myself; with hypertension you can't just take anything. Needless to say I'm suffering right now.
C.G. was the very first of the PYTs of my adult life. Although we were only 6 years apart when I met her, she was only 15. I was amazed at her maturity. She was a Sagittarius who was well ahead of her time. We shared a lot of feelings but no romance. Years later when she became of age, we thought about it, but her care for other people's feelings would not allow her.
8/28
I spent a lot of time with Sweet T, the Lady Libra. She was 20 years my junior, but age was truly only a number. We shared many precious moments together, through ups and very downs, including her being homeless for a period of time. While I knew her she lived in at least 3 different places, which we christened them all. Although we were severely romantic, she already had 2 children, and at one time was pregnant with her third child. No, it was not mine.
8/29
From somewhere, I got a severe cold and cough. I been suffering for a few days now and it has affected my everything. My pressure is erratic, to say the least and I'm at a loss as to how to medicate myself; with hypertension you can't just take anything. Needless to say I'm suffering right now.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
8/24
My Mother passed away around this date about 3 years ago. If I must say so myself, I represented her well at her memorial services. She would have been proud of me. My task now is to preserve her legacy by having a headstone pit on her grave. I will better be able to handle that on the financial level when I get the settlement in a short while, actually I'm expecting to hear from the lawyer any day soon. It's poetic justice that the settlement comes as a result of an accident she was involved in that eventually cost her her life.
8/25
Dark and sleek was RD, a really sweet, young chocolate thing that completely took me by surprise. From the first, she knew what she wanted, why, and for how long. This sexy Capricorn controlled our relationship from day 1. We were intensely romantic for that whole summer of our affair. Affair because she was engaged to be married soon and I was apparently her last tango in Paris. She was true to her word and once the summer ended, so did our relationship.
8/26
LW was so young and so sweet but there was no way for us to have anything. She was an open-minded Taurus who just was testing the waters of romance. She had me mesmerized and I thought she saw me as a way of doing the right thing for her Mother, who was one of my tenants. It went well, but not long. We never advanced to the romantic level, but I ran into her a few years later and she had recently became a mew Mom.
My Mother passed away around this date about 3 years ago. If I must say so myself, I represented her well at her memorial services. She would have been proud of me. My task now is to preserve her legacy by having a headstone pit on her grave. I will better be able to handle that on the financial level when I get the settlement in a short while, actually I'm expecting to hear from the lawyer any day soon. It's poetic justice that the settlement comes as a result of an accident she was involved in that eventually cost her her life.
8/25
Dark and sleek was RD, a really sweet, young chocolate thing that completely took me by surprise. From the first, she knew what she wanted, why, and for how long. This sexy Capricorn controlled our relationship from day 1. We were intensely romantic for that whole summer of our affair. Affair because she was engaged to be married soon and I was apparently her last tango in Paris. She was true to her word and once the summer ended, so did our relationship.
8/26
LW was so young and so sweet but there was no way for us to have anything. She was an open-minded Taurus who just was testing the waters of romance. She had me mesmerized and I thought she saw me as a way of doing the right thing for her Mother, who was one of my tenants. It went well, but not long. We never advanced to the romantic level, but I ran into her a few years later and she had recently became a mew Mom.
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
8/21
About a week behind in my Summer Writing Binge. Don't know what got me off track because I was good for making an entry every night. Now I'm behind but I intend to get back on track. Been thinking a lot lately about the women, and even girls from my past. I really can't complain because true to my horoscope, which a lot of people don't believe in, women have a special affinity towards me and I for them. It has always been that way.
8/22
Light skin and fine as hell was T.B., the Gemini. She just wanted to do something different in her life. I think it broke the mundaneness of her existence in the projects. She was a welfare mom so she relied on me to supply her with some additional income. We were romantic, but only to the extent that she knew I wanted her like that. To her it was just a way to get what she needed.
8/23
M.A.R. aka Toni aka Her Majesty the Queen was another of those light skin and fine women in my life. When I first met her in the copy room at 250 Broadway, I was blown away. I never thought in my wildest dreams we had anything in common. She was a sweet and gentle Taurus. Too sweet and generous perhaps, because when I discovered her she had just had a baby, her 3rd, several months before. We were romantic because she needed love. At the same time she was also on the rebound from a man who no longer loved her. T was the finest woman, in my mind, at 250 Broadway, true arm candy and I wore her well.
About a week behind in my Summer Writing Binge. Don't know what got me off track because I was good for making an entry every night. Now I'm behind but I intend to get back on track. Been thinking a lot lately about the women, and even girls from my past. I really can't complain because true to my horoscope, which a lot of people don't believe in, women have a special affinity towards me and I for them. It has always been that way.
8/22
Light skin and fine as hell was T.B., the Gemini. She just wanted to do something different in her life. I think it broke the mundaneness of her existence in the projects. She was a welfare mom so she relied on me to supply her with some additional income. We were romantic, but only to the extent that she knew I wanted her like that. To her it was just a way to get what she needed.
8/23
M.A.R. aka Toni aka Her Majesty the Queen was another of those light skin and fine women in my life. When I first met her in the copy room at 250 Broadway, I was blown away. I never thought in my wildest dreams we had anything in common. She was a sweet and gentle Taurus. Too sweet and generous perhaps, because when I discovered her she had just had a baby, her 3rd, several months before. We were romantic because she needed love. At the same time she was also on the rebound from a man who no longer loved her. T was the finest woman, in my mind, at 250 Broadway, true arm candy and I wore her well.
Saturday, March 12, 2016
8/16
Woke up this morning and decided that it was over. I didn't go through my regular routine of taking those blood pressure pills. I didn't plan to stop today because I still have 11 pills to go, it just happened like that. I had to let go and let God, as they say. I just couldn't see myself going any further with that deal. I will not be depending on medication. So I just stopped. I know what to do, it's just scary thinking about how close I was to having my life drastically and even tragically changed forever.
8/17
Scary feeling wondering what was gonna happen. Nothing did yet, except I'm starting to feel more like my ex-hypertension attack. The grogginess is still there although not as severe as it was back in July. I can manage this level of grogginess. I just want to get back to my real self, that self that experienced a clear head at all times. I feel better already and I look forward to the day when I can get back on the road and run. But not yet I'm still to out of it at times. Too, too groggy__
8/18
So far so good. My pressure is not so bad. If I change my diet and monitor my pressure every day I should be able to do it. I'm giving it my best shot. There is too much left in this world to do. I especially want to meet my grand-baby-on-the-way and witness her growth.
8/19
Getting back to my old self one day at a time. I should be back on the road soon. My scripture daily reading, prayer and meditation will pull me through this.
I'm about to be the silent one in a while. Yeah, I miss certain things but I love my independence better.I am finally that Alpha Wolf dancing to my own beat. I could never go back now. But since they say never say never let's just say I'm A-ok.
8/20
Made sure I registered early for A. Wilson's workshop on memoir writing. I just want to see the lady again and see how I feel now. I was impressed in June but now this encounter will be up close from a different angle. I will have to do my homework because ain't no telling where this thing will go if I play my cards right. No I'm not talking like that but I would not refuse an invitation. It would have to be a very special exclusive invitation. Meanwhile I'm excited because it keeps me busy writing.
Woke up this morning and decided that it was over. I didn't go through my regular routine of taking those blood pressure pills. I didn't plan to stop today because I still have 11 pills to go, it just happened like that. I had to let go and let God, as they say. I just couldn't see myself going any further with that deal. I will not be depending on medication. So I just stopped. I know what to do, it's just scary thinking about how close I was to having my life drastically and even tragically changed forever.
8/17
Scary feeling wondering what was gonna happen. Nothing did yet, except I'm starting to feel more like my ex-hypertension attack. The grogginess is still there although not as severe as it was back in July. I can manage this level of grogginess. I just want to get back to my real self, that self that experienced a clear head at all times. I feel better already and I look forward to the day when I can get back on the road and run. But not yet I'm still to out of it at times. Too, too groggy__
8/18
So far so good. My pressure is not so bad. If I change my diet and monitor my pressure every day I should be able to do it. I'm giving it my best shot. There is too much left in this world to do. I especially want to meet my grand-baby-on-the-way and witness her growth.
Getting back to my old self one day at a time. I should be back on the road soon. My scripture daily reading, prayer and meditation will pull me through this.
I'm about to be the silent one in a while. Yeah, I miss certain things but I love my independence better.I am finally that Alpha Wolf dancing to my own beat. I could never go back now. But since they say never say never let's just say I'm A-ok.
8/20
Made sure I registered early for A. Wilson's workshop on memoir writing. I just want to see the lady again and see how I feel now. I was impressed in June but now this encounter will be up close from a different angle. I will have to do my homework because ain't no telling where this thing will go if I play my cards right. No I'm not talking like that but I would not refuse an invitation. It would have to be a very special exclusive invitation. Meanwhile I'm excited because it keeps me busy writing.
Monday, February 29, 2016
7/26
I'm obviously angry. Angry about a lot of things but not as many things as it seems. People must take my kindness for weakness. I'm their scapegoat, their doormat, whatever. Why am I treated this way? I've only tried to do good by those close to me but I guess it's not appreciated. But guess what? That's all about to change. Tomorrow I will be a different guy. No more Mr. Nice Guy? I'm not gonna change who I am because I will always be me. But now I'm stopping the buck before the buck stops me.
7/28
Of course it's me but I seem to be on edge lately. Everything almost starts to agitate me. Not that I'm rambling and ranting as my children seem to think, but getting certain things off my chest, as I like to think. I don't want unsaid things to be the source of stress. So whereas in the past I might deal with it internally, now I'm gettin it out of my system. I don't know if its good or bad I just feel like letting my feelings be known. I'm just tired whatever it is I'm tired of. Or maybe its as my daughter said I'm going thru mid-life crisis. Maybe she has a point. I will have to look into that fact.
7/30
Crossroads time at my website BPC. Time to come up with a good chronological history segment that will last for a while and prove to be interactive with my visitors and send them flipping pages madly. By tomorrow or before the 3lst I will come up with something. I'm still figuring how to level my blood pressure so I'm feeling healthy again. I know for one I bout to change my diet, not drastically, but moderately just like they, the medicine givers are trying to change my B/P to a moderate reading.
7/31
Not sure where a lot of my day went doing chores around the house mingling with the girls gonna finish that poem about you know who haven't felt this good as I do right now for a minute almost like I'm back to my normal self but what could that mean I don't know for sure because my b/p has been sky high for so long how would I know anyway but I had the lowest reading ever lately and thats scary because if thats the medicine will I be able to do as well without it I wonder.
I'm obviously angry. Angry about a lot of things but not as many things as it seems. People must take my kindness for weakness. I'm their scapegoat, their doormat, whatever. Why am I treated this way? I've only tried to do good by those close to me but I guess it's not appreciated. But guess what? That's all about to change. Tomorrow I will be a different guy. No more Mr. Nice Guy? I'm not gonna change who I am because I will always be me. But now I'm stopping the buck before the buck stops me.
7/28
Of course it's me but I seem to be on edge lately. Everything almost starts to agitate me. Not that I'm rambling and ranting as my children seem to think, but getting certain things off my chest, as I like to think. I don't want unsaid things to be the source of stress. So whereas in the past I might deal with it internally, now I'm gettin it out of my system. I don't know if its good or bad I just feel like letting my feelings be known. I'm just tired whatever it is I'm tired of. Or maybe its as my daughter said I'm going thru mid-life crisis. Maybe she has a point. I will have to look into that fact.
7/30
Crossroads time at my website BPC. Time to come up with a good chronological history segment that will last for a while and prove to be interactive with my visitors and send them flipping pages madly. By tomorrow or before the 3lst I will come up with something. I'm still figuring how to level my blood pressure so I'm feeling healthy again. I know for one I bout to change my diet, not drastically, but moderately just like they, the medicine givers are trying to change my B/P to a moderate reading.
7/31
Not sure where a lot of my day went doing chores around the house mingling with the girls gonna finish that poem about you know who haven't felt this good as I do right now for a minute almost like I'm back to my normal self but what could that mean I don't know for sure because my b/p has been sky high for so long how would I know anyway but I had the lowest reading ever lately and thats scary because if thats the medicine will I be able to do as well without it I wonder.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
OMG!
7/23
Without me, you haven't been able to keep your life straight. You are a selfish, obnoxious, uncaring person. You just can't seem to keep it together. Wasn't it that way in the beginning too? I brought the most stability you ever had in your life. The most success you ever had, the most prosperity you ever had. But you want to give it all up for whatever. But you have a right to. Everybody has a right to live their life like they want to. But don't you see the difference that I make in your life? Don't you know the Most High has a hand in things when you request them from Him? Then know that your life will never be the same without me.
7/24
Funny how I'm downsizing as I retire. Driving a car in particular has been a thing that I have not enjoyed for a while. I hate living with the thought of having other people's lives in my hand, so to speak. I worry more about other people's recklessness more than my own. I've never had a car accident. I'm really a safe driver. I had trained myself to drive defensively. But today with so many people not paying attention to what they are doing (driving), I've bowed out at the perfect time.
7/25
I'm bout to write an excellent book review. This will be the supreme effort, as I always give. Alexis could use the exposure. But I could more. I'm the one that's up and coming. She has quite a career going on, I'm just arriving on the scene now. I will research her research and do a little something for ezine.com. I'm thinking bout doing an interview with the author as an added attraction to my review. I would love to do a personal live session, but the way my mind is clicking an email, ot better, a phone interview would be best.
Without me, you haven't been able to keep your life straight. You are a selfish, obnoxious, uncaring person. You just can't seem to keep it together. Wasn't it that way in the beginning too? I brought the most stability you ever had in your life. The most success you ever had, the most prosperity you ever had. But you want to give it all up for whatever. But you have a right to. Everybody has a right to live their life like they want to. But don't you see the difference that I make in your life? Don't you know the Most High has a hand in things when you request them from Him? Then know that your life will never be the same without me.
7/24
Funny how I'm downsizing as I retire. Driving a car in particular has been a thing that I have not enjoyed for a while. I hate living with the thought of having other people's lives in my hand, so to speak. I worry more about other people's recklessness more than my own. I've never had a car accident. I'm really a safe driver. I had trained myself to drive defensively. But today with so many people not paying attention to what they are doing (driving), I've bowed out at the perfect time.
7/25
I'm bout to write an excellent book review. This will be the supreme effort, as I always give. Alexis could use the exposure. But I could more. I'm the one that's up and coming. She has quite a career going on, I'm just arriving on the scene now. I will research her research and do a little something for ezine.com. I'm thinking bout doing an interview with the author as an added attraction to my review. I would love to do a personal live session, but the way my mind is clicking an email, ot better, a phone interview would be best.
Monday, February 22, 2016
MUST be NICE...
Got an email from writer Alexis Wilson about writing a review of her book "Not So Black and White." Book been out about a year. Now I'm wondering what brought on this request. Course I'm full of wild ideas. Anyway people been reviewing it since last year--she has at least 55 reviews. But I guess that isn't enough. I'm sure more people than that has brought the book. I read some of the reviews and most of them are positive. Funny thing about Alexis; I was attracted to her from a distance; we have a nice rapport. Or, had a nice one at the event and on or emails. Found out she's born in October 1965 --six months after Nerisse. She's either a Libra or Scorpio, both good match-ups for me. Guess what else? She's very sexy; she's also married to a prominent jazz musician here in Ohio with (2) daughters. In my dreams only!
Saturday, February 13, 2016
what on earth WAS I thinkin
7/19
Hell yeh, I feel betrayed in many ways and means. Yet I've grown out of it, or I would like to think I have. The true test for me would be if she came back into my life with an apology and an admission of guilt and wrongdoing. How would I react to that? Would I believe that she wouldn't revert to her old ways of thinking and everything would be as fine as it was before? I don't think so. I love hard but I would have to pass on the possibility that she might pass some STD to me. I don't know if I would ever trust it. I've come too far now, with too many past incidents like that that could have been my last.
7/20
Some things are better left unsaid. There's a lot on my mind, on the tip of my tongue, that is poised and waiting to be said. Out of respect for myself I will leave these things as they are, unsaid. Course it all comes down to how deeply disturbed I am by the injustices that were done to me and how much do I crave revenge.
7/21
I've done about all I can do. There is nothing else left to say. For now I have moved on with the business at hand part of my life and have realized my life ambition of late of being a teacher. I teach poetry to thousands of students throughout the world, which is even bigger than I ever imagined.Now, as for the social aspect of my life, a lot of the pieces are in place. In the near future when I will be in a position, a better position to express that side, I will move full speed ahead.
Hell yeh, I feel betrayed in many ways and means. Yet I've grown out of it, or I would like to think I have. The true test for me would be if she came back into my life with an apology and an admission of guilt and wrongdoing. How would I react to that? Would I believe that she wouldn't revert to her old ways of thinking and everything would be as fine as it was before? I don't think so. I love hard but I would have to pass on the possibility that she might pass some STD to me. I don't know if I would ever trust it. I've come too far now, with too many past incidents like that that could have been my last.
7/20
Some things are better left unsaid. There's a lot on my mind, on the tip of my tongue, that is poised and waiting to be said. Out of respect for myself I will leave these things as they are, unsaid. Course it all comes down to how deeply disturbed I am by the injustices that were done to me and how much do I crave revenge.
7/21
I've done about all I can do. There is nothing else left to say. For now I have moved on with the business at hand part of my life and have realized my life ambition of late of being a teacher. I teach poetry to thousands of students throughout the world, which is even bigger than I ever imagined.Now, as for the social aspect of my life, a lot of the pieces are in place. In the near future when I will be in a position, a better position to express that side, I will move full speed ahead.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
plugged in to the world
7/16
Biggest fear is being vulnerable. Out there with no power. No way to get anything without being plugged in. We so use to our creature comforts we don't even, can't even imagine how they survived without these things in the past. How Mama and Papa had to heat the house with wood in a stove to warm the house and cook the food, to heat the water to wash up or to go outside to the "outhouse" to do our business.
7/17
Thought eludes me as to what my writing time was to be devoted to tonight but never the lest for that unrecollection, if there is such a word, I take time instead to be thankful for my life, health and strength. I saw on TV so many things that inspired me: Sports and news broadcaster, Robin Roberts, the father-son team who ran over thirty marathons, father pushing his handicapped son across the finish line. Jim Valvano, former basketball coach, a cancer fighter. I'm inspired by their lives and blessed for mine.
7/18
Just thoughts about Mandela. Today he turns 95 years old. Truly a blessing to live that lone. I should live so long but I would hope to be in good health and just pass on outta here without medical issues or back bills to pay.
Mandela in my mind is a true rebel. Living under South African Apartheid was like Black peole living in American democracy. Nobody had no human rights. Mandela spent most of his adult life in prison; from the 50's until they finally released him in the 90's , when at that time he was in the autumn of his years. When you talk about warriors & rebels, you gotta mention Mandela's name.
Biggest fear is being vulnerable. Out there with no power. No way to get anything without being plugged in. We so use to our creature comforts we don't even, can't even imagine how they survived without these things in the past. How Mama and Papa had to heat the house with wood in a stove to warm the house and cook the food, to heat the water to wash up or to go outside to the "outhouse" to do our business.
7/17
Thought eludes me as to what my writing time was to be devoted to tonight but never the lest for that unrecollection, if there is such a word, I take time instead to be thankful for my life, health and strength. I saw on TV so many things that inspired me: Sports and news broadcaster, Robin Roberts, the father-son team who ran over thirty marathons, father pushing his handicapped son across the finish line. Jim Valvano, former basketball coach, a cancer fighter. I'm inspired by their lives and blessed for mine.
7/18
Just thoughts about Mandela. Today he turns 95 years old. Truly a blessing to live that lone. I should live so long but I would hope to be in good health and just pass on outta here without medical issues or back bills to pay.
Mandela in my mind is a true rebel. Living under South African Apartheid was like Black peole living in American democracy. Nobody had no human rights. Mandela spent most of his adult life in prison; from the 50's until they finally released him in the 90's , when at that time he was in the autumn of his years. When you talk about warriors & rebels, you gotta mention Mandela's name.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
same STATE of mine
7/13
Its funny how the more things change they more they stay the same. People really believe that in a country that has always held our people, Black people in such low esteem since we first got here by hook and by crook and against our will that we could get justice. Remember that never in the history of this country has a White man ever been convicted of killing a Blackman and you will start to believe the real truth that this country will always have the same attitude no matter if it's not the same original people that discovered and put it all together under the belief in their mind that all men were created equal.
7/14
Please be keenly aware that the fear of a Black planet is a real issue in this world today that many people are dead set against even though there is nothing they can do. The fact that not only the U.S. but the entire world of "White" people, those that are left, that is basically mixed people increases the likely-hood the White man is slowly becoming extinct.
Its funny how the more things change they more they stay the same. People really believe that in a country that has always held our people, Black people in such low esteem since we first got here by hook and by crook and against our will that we could get justice. Remember that never in the history of this country has a White man ever been convicted of killing a Blackman and you will start to believe the real truth that this country will always have the same attitude no matter if it's not the same original people that discovered and put it all together under the belief in their mind that all men were created equal.
7/14
Please be keenly aware that the fear of a Black planet is a real issue in this world today that many people are dead set against even though there is nothing they can do. The fact that not only the U.S. but the entire world of "White" people, those that are left, that is basically mixed people increases the likely-hood the White man is slowly becoming extinct.
Saturday, January 30, 2016
life is STRANGE
7/11 -Lois had a baby some 35 years ago today. Made me a real man it seems for the first time in my life. Hard to explain that feeling except to say WOW! Now in a few months, if God spares my life like I been praying every day all my life, I may
become a Grand-PA, or is it Grand-DAD. I like Grand-Pa, has a special tone all it's own. Just the same I been blessed. I know my sis had her grand baby before she passed, and my other sis has more than a few, and my mother and father, themselves had very much more than a few, and now here I come, the last of the brood trying to come in , with my first. Life is strange, and people out here trying to act like they know something about it. Really?
7/12 - Have to keep myself from thinking ill things about people, thinking how they gon get theirs one day, wanting to be a witness, wanting them to have to come reeling back to me. That's my mother in me. I really just hope they go on in their life without incident. Just leave me the hell alone. I just wanna live me a quality life and get all the good I can from it because of the good I've done. Yet sometime I get so caught-up I just wanna take matters in my own hand. Ooooh! You don't know. I just pray on it and try to keep myself positive. I do not wish anybody ill will.
7/12 - Have to keep myself from thinking ill things about people, thinking how they gon get theirs one day, wanting to be a witness, wanting them to have to come reeling back to me. That's my mother in me. I really just hope they go on in their life without incident. Just leave me the hell alone. I just wanna live me a quality life and get all the good I can from it because of the good I've done. Yet sometime I get so caught-up I just wanna take matters in my own hand. Ooooh! You don't know. I just pray on it and try to keep myself positive. I do not wish anybody ill will.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
my very FIRST BLOOD pressure issue - The Middle
7/15
Trying hard to shake the dizziness, the grogginess that has been a fog over my life these past several days. Not knowing what's going on with myself is scary. You think everything, you think the worse, you fear everything. If I can only escape the fog I'm in I will get myself together and get to a health screening where I can find out what's going on and monitor my health, myself, my way from here on in. I planned a trip to run a race in late August, but I may have to postpone it, in favor of another trip for a health screening to help me figure out what's happening to me. I'm really scared right now.
7/27
Spent most of the day in the ER (emergency room). Blood pressure shot to the sky. Dangerous, very dangerous level. Started out with a dream/hallucination//premonition the night before about 3am when I saw a dark woman figure, clothed in a robe who kind of warned me what was in store for the rest of the day. I was scheduled to attend an health expo to check my vitals, but made it no further than the B/P checkpoint. So high (265/132) they called in paramedics who immediately began to work to lower my pressure. At the ER they checked out my vitals and everything else was fine. Now I got meds for hypertension. Realize that it's now or never to get that pressure under control.
7/29
B/P is down to a level that's much lower than it has been in years. I'm bout to do the right thing and feel better.
8/1
Not trying to be on no B/P medication the rest of my life. After these 30 days I'm bout to have my plan in effect to stay out the danger zone. Left without my strength and energy and power and resolve. Got this cough from nowhere that's pretty damn annoying. My thing is I hope it won't be too big of a problem for me when I decide to do it my way. For real this time. I will keep one eye on my pressure and the other on my diet.
8/3
Biggest thing for me has been my health. I don't like feeling like this so I will wait and see what September will bring after I'm done with these meds, hopefully I won't need to take them again.
THE END of my very first blood pressure ISSUE
Trying hard to shake the dizziness, the grogginess that has been a fog over my life these past several days. Not knowing what's going on with myself is scary. You think everything, you think the worse, you fear everything. If I can only escape the fog I'm in I will get myself together and get to a health screening where I can find out what's going on and monitor my health, myself, my way from here on in. I planned a trip to run a race in late August, but I may have to postpone it, in favor of another trip for a health screening to help me figure out what's happening to me. I'm really scared right now.
7/27
Spent most of the day in the ER (emergency room). Blood pressure shot to the sky. Dangerous, very dangerous level. Started out with a dream/hallucination//premonition the night before about 3am when I saw a dark woman figure, clothed in a robe who kind of warned me what was in store for the rest of the day. I was scheduled to attend an health expo to check my vitals, but made it no further than the B/P checkpoint. So high (265/132) they called in paramedics who immediately began to work to lower my pressure. At the ER they checked out my vitals and everything else was fine. Now I got meds for hypertension. Realize that it's now or never to get that pressure under control.
7/29
B/P is down to a level that's much lower than it has been in years. I'm bout to do the right thing and feel better.
8/1
Not trying to be on no B/P medication the rest of my life. After these 30 days I'm bout to have my plan in effect to stay out the danger zone. Left without my strength and energy and power and resolve. Got this cough from nowhere that's pretty damn annoying. My thing is I hope it won't be too big of a problem for me when I decide to do it my way. For real this time. I will keep one eye on my pressure and the other on my diet.
8/3
Biggest thing for me has been my health. I don't like feeling like this so I will wait and see what September will bring after I'm done with these meds, hopefully I won't need to take them again.
THE END of my very first blood pressure ISSUE
Saturday, January 23, 2016
my very first blood pressure issue - The BEGINNING
7/6/13 - SATURDAY
Ominous clouds dominated the sky this afternoon. They were huge forms of light and dark fluffs of cotton-balls, looking 3D, hovering over Main Street like giant alien space crafts from "Independence Day," 15 miles wide. At one point there, it appeared like a huge being was controlling the vehicle. It looked at me like the world was about to end.
7/7- SUNDAY
A mental fog has taken over my mind today, some time this afternoon, I don't know exactly when. I woke up from an afternoon nap some place foreign to me. My equilibrium was slightly off. My steps wobbly. I was able to go about my normal duties, but not all there. I was alert and aware of everything around me but my mind operated out of a fog that kept me reeling and seemingly off balance.
7/8-MONDAY
I woke up this morning still possessed. Not as wobbly as the day before, but enough to keep me off my norm. Physically there are no issues. There are no pains and aches. I have a fever blister on my bottom lip, actually just beneath my left lip, but not unusual from any ones that I've had before in my life. I've felt the stinging pain of it's emergence for a few days now, but not nothing unusual, except this fog in my mind that has kept me operating in a veil of uncertainty.
7/9- TUESDAY
Still possessed, but to a lesser degree, maybe, I don't know yet. Had a real outburst today like I never, ever had in my life. Left me crying like a baby, exhausted like a mother fucker, but still mad.
7/10- WEDNESDAY
Never felt this way in my life before. Coming off of a few days (since Sunday) of extreme light-headedness like I've never experienced before. Couldn't really tell what it all stems from, scared to speculate. Just know that in time, got to get my butt to the Dr.'s office and find out what's making me tick. Been feeling pretty good over the past few years, for the most part, through trying to eat right and exercise. Must find out more though, that way I can monitor some of those things old people (like me) suppose to deal with.
Ominous clouds dominated the sky this afternoon. They were huge forms of light and dark fluffs of cotton-balls, looking 3D, hovering over Main Street like giant alien space crafts from "Independence Day," 15 miles wide. At one point there, it appeared like a huge being was controlling the vehicle. It looked at me like the world was about to end.
7/7- SUNDAY
A mental fog has taken over my mind today, some time this afternoon, I don't know exactly when. I woke up from an afternoon nap some place foreign to me. My equilibrium was slightly off. My steps wobbly. I was able to go about my normal duties, but not all there. I was alert and aware of everything around me but my mind operated out of a fog that kept me reeling and seemingly off balance.
7/8-MONDAY
I woke up this morning still possessed. Not as wobbly as the day before, but enough to keep me off my norm. Physically there are no issues. There are no pains and aches. I have a fever blister on my bottom lip, actually just beneath my left lip, but not unusual from any ones that I've had before in my life. I've felt the stinging pain of it's emergence for a few days now, but not nothing unusual, except this fog in my mind that has kept me operating in a veil of uncertainty.
7/9- TUESDAY
Still possessed, but to a lesser degree, maybe, I don't know yet. Had a real outburst today like I never, ever had in my life. Left me crying like a baby, exhausted like a mother fucker, but still mad.
7/10- WEDNESDAY
Never felt this way in my life before. Coming off of a few days (since Sunday) of extreme light-headedness like I've never experienced before. Couldn't really tell what it all stems from, scared to speculate. Just know that in time, got to get my butt to the Dr.'s office and find out what's making me tick. Been feeling pretty good over the past few years, for the most part, through trying to eat right and exercise. Must find out more though, that way I can monitor some of those things old people (like me) suppose to deal with.
Thursday, January 21, 2016
flat out in love
You nothing but a dick teaser. I keep forgetting you not a pleasure seeker. You just want someone to want you. Desire you. You flashed your ass and tits to me on a daily but was always coming up with reasons why I couldn't get none even when we was naked in the bed together. I keep forgetting you afraid of some one really laying the hammer down on you like I would cause you know you would fall flat in love with me. You afraid to be loved and in love with a real man.
Saturday, January 16, 2016
what is the 4th of JULY
7/4/13
Half the people celebrating 4th of July don't even know the 5 W's. Most are oblivious to the facts. It's all about carnivals ,cookouts and fireworks. And I'm sure that's okay in it's own right BUT at some point and time shouldn't the question arise as to what does this all refer to? I'm just saying though. Because a lot of us live our lives like cows going to the slaughter; we just following the person in front of us without realizing where we going until...
Half the people celebrating 4th of July don't even know the 5 W's. Most are oblivious to the facts. It's all about carnivals ,cookouts and fireworks. And I'm sure that's okay in it's own right BUT at some point and time shouldn't the question arise as to what does this all refer to? I'm just saying though. Because a lot of us live our lives like cows going to the slaughter; we just following the person in front of us without realizing where we going until...
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
no justice, NO PEACE
You would think by now after all these years there would be justice for a Black man in America. The Zimmerman trial proves that a Black man can't seem to be treated right even when he's innocent. It's pretty clear obviously that Zimmerman stalked, provoked, and eventually murdered Trayvon Martin. And sure Zimmerman is entitled to a fair trial, but come on now, if the situation was reversed, you know a Blackman would've been tried and convicted by now.
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