8/16

Woke up this morning and decided that it was over. I didn't go through my regular routine of taking those blood pressure pills. I didn't plan to stop today because I still have 11 pills to go, it just happened like that. I had to let go and let God, as they say. I just couldn't see myself going any further with that deal. I will not be depending on medication. So I just stopped. I know what to do, it's just scary thinking about how close I was to having my life drastically and even tragically changed forever.

8/17

Scary feeling wondering what was gonna happen. Nothing did yet, except I'm starting to feel more like my ex-hypertension attack. The grogginess is still there  although not as severe as it was back in July. I can manage this level of grogginess. I just want to get back to my real self, that self that experienced a clear head at all times. I feel better already and I look forward to the day when I can get back on the road and run. But not yet I'm still to out of it at times. Too, too groggy__

8/18

So far so good. My pressure is not so bad. If I change my diet and monitor my pressure every day I should be able to do it. I'm giving it my best shot. There is too much left in this world to do. I especially want to meet my grand-baby-on-the-way and witness her growth.

8/19

Getting back to my old self one day at a time. I should be back on the road soon. My scripture daily reading, prayer and meditation will pull me through this.
     I'm about to be the silent one in a while. Yeah, I miss certain things but I love my independence better.I am finally that Alpha Wolf dancing to my own beat. I could never go back now. But since they say never say never let's just say I'm A-ok.

8/20
     Made sure I registered early for A. Wilson's workshop on memoir writing. I just want to see the lady again and see how I feel now. I was impressed in June but now this encounter will be up close from a different angle. I will have to do my homework because ain't no telling where this thing will go if I play my cards right. No I'm not talking like that but I would not refuse an invitation. It would have to be a very special exclusive invitation. Meanwhile I'm excited because it keeps me busy writing.

no justice, NO PEACE

     You would think by now after all these years there would be justice for a Black man in America. The Zimmerman trial proves that a Black man can't seem to be treated right even when he's innocent. It's pretty clear obviously that Zimmerman stalked, provoked, and eventually murdered Trayvon Martin. And sure Zimmerman is entitled to a fair trial, but come on now, if the situation was reversed, you know a Blackman would've been tried and convicted by now.

STICKIN TOGETHER

Worse feeling I've had in a while. Done everything I could to hold everything down. People you put your trust in betray you but WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?

This world is really about YOU doing YOU. Unlike back in the early days nobody sticks up for you, Everybody too busy.

I hate myself right now, having fallen short of being the best I could. What other people in your life does, fucks up what you tryna do. That's fucked up when two "COMMITTED" people not on the same wave length.



7/2/13

3 things I HOLD DEAR TO ME...WHY?

My life, health and strength are the 3 things I hold dear. These things are a no-brainer because they are central to my whole existence ; everyone's existence, in fact. Without these things nothing else is even possible.

At first thought some material things were creeping into my mind, but I quickly realized that material things do not hold substance when compared to what I cherished most. I love my life!

NOW I... back THEN I...

...can see clearly where the things I were doing were selfish and irresponsible. I had a good thing going, and my life was headed on a smooth course of love, trust and understanding between me and my girl...



...couldn't see the forest for the trees. My nature of the beast took control and my only concern was how much pussy I could get. I made every excuse in the book to justify my pursuit of carnal desires and satisfaction, and it cost me dearly.